Post by vincejones on Feb 25, 2015 22:14:25 GMT -6
"Two thousand, fifteen...Tragic Engagement..."
There is a momentary silence.
"Hmph! Vee mahfuckin' Jones wasn't even a thought on anyone's mind. Yo mans here wasn't even a figment of anyone's imagination. As far as anyone was concerned...Jonesy didn't even exist when it comes to the UWA and shit! As far as anyone was concerned...Jonesy was dead..."
A t.v screen slowly fades into view showing highlights from UWA's inaugural Tragic Engagement event in Reno, Nevada.
"Hey! We all know the deal. Right? We all rememba. We had this fuckin' trio of no name-ahs with this Vance Voltoro walkin' away with a win against some Garbage Pail kid and some otha Kaylyn bitch! "
The highlights now show Vance picking up the victory in the three-way match up with a pin after a thunderous powerbomb. The show is quickly fast-forwarded to the ending of the next match which see Sang Real scoring their victory after a successful low blow.
"Then you had those Sang Real cats knockin' off the who? They were knockin' off this Cornbread Mafia and shit, some team of fuckin' hillbillies or somethin'?? Give yo mans a break here! Let's see what we got now..."
The highlights are fast forwarded as a group of asians appear on the scene and begin threatening the victors in Sang Real.
"Let's see. We got these random ass Asian mahfuckas that no one could give a flying fuck about because these mahfuckas nowhere to be fuckin' found anymore. Who were they? The Rising Sun Dynasty? Yo how fast the sun rises and falls sometimes on mahfuckas careers and shit..."
The highlights continue to be fast forwarded through a three-way North American title qualifier match.
"Jeszika Gotti-yay, Jonesy could've give a damn about. We all know the story. A year laytah the bitch is in the title pic-cha and shit! It is what it is..."
The highlights from a Matt Lennox, Broderick Montgomery III match are shown and quickly fast forwarded through.
"Brody?? Yeah...whateva! The cat gets a win here 'gainst some cat that ends up not even being worth the time or the money UWA invested in the mahfucka!"
The highlights continue on and finally reach the main event of the show to crown the first UWA Heavyweight champion, a four-way battle between Pauly O'Connor, Aerynn Donnelly, Nick Daniels and Sentinel. The highlights of the match are merely fast forwarded through once again.
"Oh, and the big main event of the night. Damn what do we have here? We got this four-way match with this Pauly O' Conna who walked away from the fuckin' game tryin' to find himself. We got Aerynn Donnelly rockin' out before she went full on psycho bitch. There's some Nick Daniels that prolly walked out the damn federation afta his bitch ass loses this damn match and realized that he couldn't hang in the first place. Then, we finally got Sentinel back before the mahfucka learned he could talk. Jonesy don't know about all of you; but, he kinda prefers the silent mahfucka ova this otha guy. Nahmean??
The camera slowly zooms out and catches sight of Vince Jones sitting in a chair alone in a dark room as he quickly pauses the clip upon Aerynn Donnelly scoring the big victory for the night. Vince Jones is surprisingly enough dressed up in a Sho Nuff costume in mockery of Amy Zing in her Chinese heritage. Vince Jones just shakes his head in utter disappointment and laughs to himself as he points to Aerynn Donnelly who is currently sitting on the screen in freeze frame.
Vince Jones: ...And there you all have it, this Aerynn Donnelly scores the big win, the highlight of an uneventful night and shit here, the first Tragic Engagement. She becomes the first UWA Heavyweight champ. She walks out the doors with the reputation of the UWA solely sittin' on her lil shouldahs and shit, man! Mahfuckas up in the arena screaming and shouting and celebrating cuz they got a champ, someone to look up to."
Vince shrugs his shoulders.
Vince Jones: But what you gonna expect, huh? All those people out there in Reno that night don't know any betta. They don't know what's to come. They have no clue that soonah ratha than laytah they'd see a 6'6", two hundred and sixty-nine pound, gangsta ass mahfucka come walkin' through those doors hailin' from the big city, hailin' from the big leagues, ready to start up an era of dominance that would nearly be unparralleled and shit.
Vince Jones turns towards the t.v screen once again.
Vince Jones: But that would be just a lil laytah on down the line and shit, man! Until then these people gotta accept and rally behind whateva pieces of trash that get tossed they way for them to fuckin' believe in...
Vince Jones slowly rises to his feet and begins pacing back and forth across the floor slowly.
Vince Jones: So we fast forward past the debut of yo mans in the UWA. We fast forward past yo mans and all the fuckin' devastation and shit he left in his path in the year two Gee fourteen. We fast forward past all that shit which brings us to Tragic Engagement, two Gee fifteen with Jonesy and this lil Amy Zing problem he gotta put up with...
Vince stops in his tracks and looks dead on at the camera.
Vince Jones: Amy, if you watchin' this shit at home right now you prolly wonderin' what the fuck is up...
Vince Jones immediately tugs at the red and black karate suit that he is wearing at the moment as well as the fake wig on his head.
Vince Jones: ... with this suit and shit. What? You neva seen The Last Dragon before? Classic, baby! Simply a fuckin' classic! You need to get down with that shit, Amy!
Vince chuckles to himself lightly and shakes his head.
Vince Jones: Well, in case you haven't realized this yet you are nothin' but a fuckin' joke to Jonesy here! Yo name is a fuckin' joke! Yo fuckin' Chinese heritage that you claim oh so dear to yo heart is a joke! The fact that you were eva signed to a fuckin' contract with the UWA in the first place is a fuckin' joke to Jonesy here! The fact that you even considah walkin' outta Tragic Engagement with a victory ova yo mans here as a Chinese New Year's resolution is a fuckin' joke!
Vince Jones cocks his head to the side in confusion.
Vince Jones: What do the people see in you anyways? You claim yo from Cali and shit; but, yo fan base must be from Colorado cuz they gotta be on that that mile high ish if they even think you got a chance in hell going to toe-to-toe in the ring against Jonesy in Topeka!
Vince shrugs his shoulders and laughs to himself.
Vince Jones: Or maybe V's wrong here. Maybe...
Vince points a finger at the camera.
Vince Jones: ... you the fuckin' idiot hiding behind the dream, ridin' that fuckin' high thinkin' that a sea of fanmail gonna magically lift you up and push you ova the top to victory at Tragic Engagement. If only this was Disney, baby doll! Rudy, maybe? How about one of those Rocky flicks and shit? If only that were the case!
Vince nods his head in agreement.
Vince Jones: Yeah. We all know how much you love all these people you claim to be yo fans, Amy.
All of a sudden Keshawn Jones, Jasmine, and Reno Banks all appear on the scene one after the other assembling behind
Vince Jones also wearing "Shoguns of Harlem" costumes based on the costumes depicted in the late 1980s martial arts movie.
Vince Jones: Jonesy hopes you also learn to love how all that fanmail of yours quickly turns into Get Well Soon cards on yo fuckin' behalf and shit if you don't step correct this Sunday night at Tragic Engagement!
Vince turns and looks at Keshawn and Jasmine who are standing on his right and then turns towards Reno Banks who is standing to his left. He then turns and faces the camera once again.
Vince Jones: Yo mans here can hear the big game you poppin' off at the mouth about, all the courage bullshit, all the unda dog rising to the occassion bullshit, and getting back up no matta what! Once again we not talkin' fantasy, we talkin' that real shit come Sunday night, Amy Zing! We talkin' 'bout that lil tingly feelin' runnin' up and down yo body when you finally realize that you up against way more than what you can fuckin' handle at one time! We talkin' 'bout that moment...
The camera slowly zooms in on Vince Jones' eyes as he snatches the dark shades from off his face and exposes the intensity pulsing through them.
Vince Jones: ...when you look up once again into the eyes of a cold-blooded mahfucka like Jonesy and realize that you dealin' with a gangsta ass sonuvabitch who this time is makin' it a mission of his to not only end this match with a W; but end this damn match knowin' that UWA'd be soon memorializin' that night as the end of yo waste of time you fuckin' considah'd a damn wrestlin' career and shit! Look into these eyes, Amy! LOOK INTO THESE FUCKIN' EYES, AMY!!!
Vince Jones stops and slowly tries to regain his composure before he continues on.
Vince Jones: Learn as much as you can! Learn as much as you fuckin' can...
The camera slowly zooms out again as Vince Jones continues on.
Vince Jones: Baby doll, we talkin' 'bout that realness of gettin' yo ass busted up to the point that yo body no longa listenin' to that fuckin' mind of yours when its pleadin' with all its damn might for it to rise back up and take some mo! You talk that big game, Amy! You talk about what you gonna do; but, you've neva been here before...
Vince Jones points at himself and flaunts his physique as the rest of his Entourage nod the heads in agreement.
Vince Jones: One match? One meeting with Jonesy at Monday Might Mayhem? You think that shit sums up 'The Violence'? That was regulah season and you still walked away with yo fuckin' tail between yo damn legs! What the fuck you think gonna happen when the bright lights are on and the stakes get even high-ya, bitch? HUH??
Vince laughs to himself and shakes his head.
Vince Jones: Jonesy'll lay it all out for you real plain and simple, Amy! At Tragic Engagement you gonna learn first hand who the meanest mahfucka is in the UWA today and that's...
Keshawn, Jasmine, and Reno Banks: (in unison) Vince Jones!!!
Vince Jones: You gonna learn who the prettiest and that's ...
Keshawn, Jasmine, and Reno Banks: (in unison) Vince Jones!!!
Vince Jones: Amy, you gonna learn who the baddest mahfucka around in this UW fuckin' A truly is and his name is....
Keshawn, Jasmine, and Reno Banks: (in unison) Vince Jones!!!
Vince Jones nods his head in agreement with their responses as he takes a step forward.
Vince Jones: Amy Zing, you gonna learn soon enough 'bout the fuckin' force that you fuckin' deal with in this bitch and that's...
Keshawn, Jasmine, and Reno Banks: (in unison) Vince Jones!!!
Vince Jones: Who the fuck she dealin' with at Tragic Engagement??
Keshawn, Jasmine, and Reno Banks: (in unison) Vince Jones!!!
Vince Jones: (in a slightly slower and emphatic fashion) V can't hear you...
Keshawn, Jasmine, and Reno Banks: (in unison) Vince Jones!!!
Vince Jones pauses after the final reciting of his name and looks dead on at the camera.
Vince Jones: Yeah! That's right, Vince Jones "The Violence of the UWA"! And afta Jonesy drops you, pins you, and stands ova top of you lookin' down at yo sorry ass for all yo fuckin' "fans" to see...V'll ask you one time and one time only. Whose yo fuckin' mastah? What a great way to end a meaningless career, right?? You...
Vince points a finger at the camera.
Vince Jones: ...as the exclamation point at the end of Jonesy's personal statement to the rest of the UWA and what lies ahead, right?? Amy Zing...Simply Silenced! 'Nuff said!
Vince Jones flashes the hand sign of the EDW as the camera slowly fades to black. The scene switches back to the studio that Vince Jones and the rest of his crew are all assembled as we now realize that they were on a set taping this message to be sent straight to Amy Zing herself. The director jumps up to his feet with a smile on his face.
The Director: Cut! Now that's a wrap!
Vince Jones nods his head in approval with his work as Reno steps up and pats Vince Jones on the back.
Reno Banks: Great job, Vinnie J! Way to bring the intensity with that one! I could feel it, baby! I could definitely feel the tension! We doing big things at Tragic Engagement on Sunday! That's for sure!
Keshawn nods his head in agreement and appears a bit amused by the whole vignette.
Keshawn Jones: Sho Nuff!!
Jasmine slides up beside Vince Jones and wraps her arms around his waist.
Jasmine: (in a sultry fashion) Sho Nuff...
Vince forcibly pulls her close and plants one square on her lips catching her slightly off guard; but, pleasantly thrilling her.
Vince Jones: Damn right; but, this fuckin' Sho Nuff...
Vince pounds his chest and chuckles to himself.
Vince Jones: ...is walkin' out that ring at Tragic Engagement on the winning side of things here! And that's real, KJ! C'mon, man! How the fuck you think that Taimak mahfucka would've eva really walked away beatin' Sho Nuff's ass if that shit was real life and not a fuckin' movie! Used to burn V up inside watchin' that damn flick back in the day!
Keshawn Jones: (nodding) Know what ya mean, son! We here on that...
Keshawn points a finger at his eyes and then at Vince's.
Vince Jones: Ya damn straight, we here!
Reno immediately turns towards the director who comes strolling over towards the group in the meantime. The director
extends his hand and Reno immediately greets him with a hearty handshake.
The Director: Great work, guys! Great work! That was simply magic we created here!
Reno Banks: Tommy, it wouldn't have been possibly without you. Thanks for your time and cooperation on this.
Tommy the Director: Anytime, Mr. Banks! Anytime...
All of a sudden a slow and soft golf clap can be heard coming from off-screen as they all turn in the direction of the clapping. Vince Jones amusement quickly turns to anger as he noticies the source of the clapping.
Vince Jones: And what the fuck you doin' here, Crusha??
The camera turns and catches sight of one of Reno Banks' wrestlers, Crusher "The Human Highlight" Helix sauntering over towards them all.
Crusher Helix: Hey! I just wanted to join you all and express how deeply impressed I am with your acting skills there, Vinnie J! And when I say how impressed I am with you I hope that you're intelligent enough to realize that what I'm expressing to you..
Crusher points at Vince.
Crusher Helix: ...is simply sarcasm; but, knowing that big, fat ego of yours...you'll probably wanna claim that I could actually give a damn about you..."Jonesy"!
Vince immediately shoves Jasmine to the side and squares up to Crusher Helix.
Vince Jones: And who the fuck invited you out here anyways? We takin' care of business...bruh!
Vince reaches up and jabs a solitary finger into the shoulder of Crusher Helix who is simply amused by the threatening gesture from Vince Jones.
Crusher Helix: Why so serious, V? You betta save some of that that gusto for your match, man! Wouldn't want you to fall short once again. Right? I mean I hear you're facing some girl who dubs herself as "Simply Amy Zing"? Now in a man like Crusher Helix's world that's called a warm-up. In...
Helix points in Vince's direction and laughs to himself.
Crusher Helix: ...your world at the moment, that might be considered a big fuckin' deal. Just sayin', man! The world knows what your track record's been as of late. Oh, how the mighty have fallen...
Vince Jones: Get the fuck outta here with all that bullshit, man! V got this shit in the bag, son! She'll be simply... dominated and that's real, son!
Crusher nods.
Crusher Helix: Well, just make sure you don't end up being simply...devasted. Just wanted to leave you with that little bit of food for thought, Mr. UWA North American Champ...
Helix looks down at Vince's championship beltless waist and chuckles to himself at the insult he just tossed Vince's way.
Crusher Helix: Oops...my bad!
Vince Jones begins to boil over with rage at Crusher's remark while Helix simply dismisses his anger and brushes right past him and over towards Reno Banks.
Crusher Helix: Good luck with the match, Vinnie! And please don't embarrass all the rest of us by subjecting us to you
getting your ass beaten in a match that you claim you should win! Spare us that shit, Vinnie!
Vince Jones just eyes Crusher Helix in fury as he strolls up to Reno and is greeted by a hearty handshake and a fake smile.
Crusher Helix: Now you can get down to business with a client of yours that truly is worth your time. Somone like me!
As the the two of them start to talk business with one another the camera slowly fades to black.