Post by Jeszika on Nov 16, 2014 22:57:51 GMT -6
Jeszika Gautier parks her car and looks up at the house next to the cemetery trying to convince herself this is still a good idea. Dr. Reva Belle was inside waiting for her for their second session and Jeszika was still not entirely sure this was a path she really wanted to go down. After a good fifteen minutes of back and forth internal conflict, Jeszika unbuckles her seatbelt, opens the door and steps from her car. She closes it up, locks the car and makes her way up to the front door of the McMansion. Reaching out, she almost stops herself again before finally forcing herself to knock. The door opens and Dr. Belle stands there in another flowing dress.
Dr. Reva Belle: Hello Jeszika, nice to see you again. Please, come inside…
Jeszika nods and accepts her invitation inside.
Jeszika Gautier: Hello again Dr. Reva.
Dr. Belle leads her into the same room as last time and nods to indicate she should take a seat. With incense once again lightening the mood, Jeszika takes the same chair she did last session.
Dr. Reva Belle: How are you, Jeszika?
Jeszika Gautier: Still guilt-ridden angry and depressed.... got suspended from my job cause I let my anger go too far…
Dr. Belle nods.
Dr. Reva Belle: Do you still feel it’s all your fault?
Jeszika nods.
Jeszika Gautier: I do... ‘cause it is...
Dr. Reva Belle: What do you think are the biggest things that are all your fault?
Jeszika Gautier: Breaking Brody’s heart, putting my friends in harms way. Making Melissa leave me...
Dr. Reva Belle: Tell me about Brody, what happened there?
Jeszika Gautier: From the beginning?
Dr. Belle nods.
Jeszika takes a deep breath.
Jeszika Gautier: Well long story there, Brody and I met at a bar. Until I met him, I had never been with a guy, but I was drunk off my face and somehow he managed to get me into bed and... do I really need to go into details there? About what we did?
Dr. Reva Belle: Only if you think it matters.
Jeszika Gautier: It was one of the best nights I've had with anyone... Male or female... We did things I never ever thought I would do... with anyone. All while my friends slept of their own drunken states in the next room. This all happened in Vegas and unbeknownst to us at the time, not just sex happened that night. Somewhere along the line... we managed to get married...
She pauses.
Jeszika Gautier: I woke up the next morning with a killer hangover, alone in bed... he had deserted me. Instead his body guard Aerynn stormed in and kicked up all out, in dressed and undressed states...
She says Aerynn’s name in anger, pure anger and hatred.
Jeszika Gautier: For a while afterwards, I hated them both. I met Melissa not long after. I went to a bondage bar to distract myself, just with some fun for the night. instead I found Melissa and fell in love with her, accepting her as my dominant and me as her submissive...
Dr. Reva Belle: Did she know you were married?
Jeszika Gautier: She found out when I found out, when Aerynn told us a month later. Between us we then hatched a plan to screw over Brody because of what he did to me. We wanted to teach him a lesson to stop him using girls at bars like he was...
Dr. Reva Belle: Who is "we?"
Jeszika Gautier: Me and Melissa. Then later Ashley, Bethany and Nikki were brought into the plan.
Dr. Reva Belle: Then what happened?
Jeszika Gautier: We planned that I would pretend to try and make this marriage thing work, even if it was accidental and I was to make him fall in love with me, by any means and then drop him and break his heart, make him feel how he made women feel... What I didn’t count on... Was me falling in love with him. But I had a plan to follow through and a girlfriend to go back to. Through out all this time, we played that I had broken up with Melissa. the poor girl was sitting at home in new York alone while her girlfriend was fucking a guy day in and day out... watching as I fell in love with him.
Dr. Reva Belle: And you followed through then?
Jeszika nods.
Jeszika Gautier: On live TV too, I broke his heart on live TV for the world to see, even though it killed me inside to do it... but that wasnt even the worst of it...
Dr. Reva Belle: What was the worst of it?
Jeszika Gautier: Because of what we did, when Brody came out to the ring to talk to me... He got kidnapped by a cult.. While I watched... I tried to stop them... but they got him anyways... They tortured him, for months! We couldn’t find him, couldn’t help him.
Dr. Reva Belle: And so, you feel like you went too far and ruined him instead of just teaching him a lesson?
Jeszika nods.
Jeszika Gautier: Yes... I do... And to top it off, Melissa got dragged into the cult thing too, they took her 'cause of her associating with me, held her for a month, didn't hurt her though, but she lost her job, her home... Everything all 'cause of me... She hated me after that, and left me... I don't blame her either, I'm a worthless girlfriend... I don't deserve love, from anyone, I can't give it to anyone either... I just fuck it up and make mistake after mistake!
Dr. Reva Belle: You don't think anyone will love you or you don't think anyone can?
Jeszika Gautier: Both....
Dr. Reva Belle: Does your family share this sentiment?
Jeszika Gautier: I've never told them I feel that way.
Dr. Reva Belle: Why not?
Jeszika Gautier: I don't want to bother them with anymore of my problems, they have enough of their own.
Dr. Reva Belle: What do you think they would do if you told them?
Jeszika Gautier: Tell me I'm wrong, convince me I'm the awesome person I know I'm not...
Dr. Reva Belle: They sound like good friends.
Jeszika Gautier: They are.
Dr. Reva Belle: Tell me about them.
Jeszika Gautier: What do you want to know about them?
Dr. Reva Belle: Well, tell me about... Nikki.
Jeszika Gautier: Well Nikki I've known since we were both very young, we went to school together. We grew up like sisters pretty much, our families were close.
Dr. Reva Belle: How does she react to things like Brody?
Jeszika Gautier: She supported me, no matter what decision I made.
Dr. Reva Belle: And Ashley?
Jeszika Gautier: Ashley and her Bethany I met at twenty-one when we started working together.
Dr. Reva Belle: What did she think of the Brody situation?
Jeszika Gautier: She hated it, hated him...
Dr. Reva Belle: And what about Bethany?
Jeszika Gautier: She was the same as Nikki.
Dr. Reva Belle: So Nikki and Bethany both went along with this plan and Ashley did too even though she didn't like it?
Jeszika Gautier: Yep, pretty much. Melissa was more in the same boat as Ashley, but knew I had to do this, that it was nothing more than work... nothing more than just another job.
Dr. Reva Belle: Why would they do such a thing?
Jeszika Gautier: 'cause they support me no matter what.
Dr. Reva Belle: All of them?
Jeszika Gautier: Yes though in the case of melissa and ash they couldn't get passed the things Brody had done in the past. Once a bad boy always a bad boy…
Dr. Reva Belle: But they went with it anyway?
Jeszika Gautier: Yeah.
Dr. Reva Belle: Why do you think they did this?
Jeszika Gautier: 'cause they'll support me no matter what I do...
Dr. Reva Belle: Why?
Jeszika Gautier: 'cause they're my friends.
She shrugs.
Jeszika Gautier: It’s what friends do for each other.
Dr. Reva Belle: So if one of them asked you to do something like that, what would you do?
Jeszika Gautier: Support them no matter what…
Dr. Reva Belle: Why?
Jeszika Gautier: 'cause that's what friends do... I would die for those girls...
Dr. Reva Belle: So you would say you love them?
Jeszika Gautier: Yes.
Dr. Reva Belle: Would you say they feel that for you?
Jeszika Gautier: The same…
Dr. Reva Belle: Can you actually say they love you?
Jeszika Gautier: I…
She looks away.
Jeszika Gautier: Yes... they love me...
Dr. Reva Belle: Whether you deserve it or not?
Jeszika Gautier: After the pain I put them through... no... I don't deserve it…
Dr. Reva Belle: But they love you anyway?
Jeszika shrugs.
Jeszika Gautier: I guess so…
Dr. Belle smiles.
Dr. Reva Belle: Sounds like you have a nice little family.
Jeszika Gautier: Yeah I do.
Dr. Reva Belle: A family that loves you, no matter what.
Jeszika Gautier: I guess it is…
Dr. Reva Belle: Can you let yourself say that?
Jeszika Gautier: I... I don't know if I can…
Dr. Belle nods.
Dr. Reva Belle: Try?
Jeszika takes a deep breath squeezing her eyes shut.
Jeszika Gautier: I... I have a family... that loves me....
She takes another deep breath opening her eyes but keeping them on the floor.
Jeszika Gautier: No matter what…
Dr. Belle nods approvingly.
Dr. Reva Belle: I think we’ve found a goal there.
Jeszika frowns.
Jeszika Gautier: We have?
Dr. Belle nods again.
Dr. Reva Belle: When you can comfortably say that without forcing it, without looking away, without looking at your shoes… and truly believe it… we’ll have made progress.
Jeszika Gautier: If that'll ever happen...
Dr. Reva Belle: It will... in time.
Jeszika Gautier: If you say so…
Dr. Belle stands up and nods.
Dr. Reva Belle: For now, we might do well just making you some tea and letting you relax a little.
Jeszika Gautier: Ok.
Dr. Belle nods towards the kitchen and leads her over to a manual grinder with some leaves all set.
Dr. Reva Belle: I grind my own, this way when you drink it, you know you've earned the cup because you made it yourself.
Jeszika Gautier: I wouldn't even know how to use this thing.
Dr. Belle smiles.
Dr. Reva Belle: You put the leaves in the middle there. make sure they're packed in some. Then you take the handle and give it a clockwise turn until the powder comes out the bottom. When you've got about a teaspoon's worth, you're ready to mix in the hot water.
Jeszika gives it a try.
Jeszika Gautier: Like this?
Dr. Belle nods approvingly.
Dr. Reva Belle: Just like that, give it a good four or five more turns, you'll have enough to make a cup or two.
Jeszika does just that. Dr. Belle beams.
Dr. Reva Belle: Good, now scoop it up with your spoon and put it into the little pot right there. There's some hot water in the kettle over there. Pour some in to bring the pot up to about three quarters full then let it steep for a couple of minutes. When it's done steeping, you'll know because the color is a rich brown, get the strainer and place the strainer on the top of the cup, then pour yourself some. Throw the used grounds out and enjoy.
Jeszika Gautier: Ok.
She follows the instructions.
Jeszika Gautier: So what's the point of this tea brewing?
Dr. Belle smiles.
Dr. Reva Belle: To get to drink the tea, it has some naturally relaxing properties. It should let you have a moment or two here where you don't have to worry about things.
Jeszika Gautier: Ok... Worth a shot I guess…
Dr. Reva Belle: Small victories... they still count.
Jeszika Gautier: Sometimes the big ones don't count…
A few minutes later, they’re both holding a cup filled with tea.
Dr. Reva Belle: Congratulations, you’ve made your own tea.
Jeszika Gautier: I guess I did…
Dr. Reva Belle: Here's to small accomplishments.
Jeszika Gautier: So what did we accomplish by making tea again? I make my own coffee all the time…
Dr. Reva Belle: Now you get to drink it and enjoy the relaxation that goes with it.
Jeszika Gautier: Hey... this tea’s not bad... what is it?
She takes bigger mouthful now sitting back in the chair. Jeszika takes another mouthful.
Jeszika Gautier: So will these sessions always be the same? Just talking?
Dr. Reva Belle: I imagine we’ll add other aspects later but early on here, we needed to delve into what the problems are and see if we can start taking inventory. Hard to solve a problem if you don’t know what it is first.
Jeszika Gautier: That's true…
She takes another mouthful of the tea taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent of the tea.
Dr. Reva Belle: Sometimes I take this with honey too.
Jeszika Gautier: Honey would be good... sweet tooth and all.
Dr. Reva Belle: There's some in the cupboard if you want a squeeze.
Jeszika Gautier: Next time... happy just to stay here now…
Dr. Reva Belle: Ok... how do you find my "office?"
Jeszika Gautier: Homey?
Dr. Belle nods, apparently pleased at this answer.
Dr. Reva Belle: It seems to work for my patients.
Jeszika Gautier: I guess it does.
Nodding, Dr. Belle pats Jeszika reassuringly on the shoulder.
Dr. Reva Belle: Don’t worry, it’ll work for you too.
Jeszika Gautier: I hope so.
Dr. Reva Belle: Hello Jeszika, nice to see you again. Please, come inside…
Jeszika nods and accepts her invitation inside.
Jeszika Gautier: Hello again Dr. Reva.
Dr. Belle leads her into the same room as last time and nods to indicate she should take a seat. With incense once again lightening the mood, Jeszika takes the same chair she did last session.
Dr. Reva Belle: How are you, Jeszika?
Jeszika Gautier: Still guilt-ridden angry and depressed.... got suspended from my job cause I let my anger go too far…
Dr. Belle nods.
Dr. Reva Belle: Do you still feel it’s all your fault?
Jeszika nods.
Jeszika Gautier: I do... ‘cause it is...
Dr. Reva Belle: What do you think are the biggest things that are all your fault?
Jeszika Gautier: Breaking Brody’s heart, putting my friends in harms way. Making Melissa leave me...
Dr. Reva Belle: Tell me about Brody, what happened there?
Jeszika Gautier: From the beginning?
Dr. Belle nods.
Jeszika takes a deep breath.
Jeszika Gautier: Well long story there, Brody and I met at a bar. Until I met him, I had never been with a guy, but I was drunk off my face and somehow he managed to get me into bed and... do I really need to go into details there? About what we did?
Dr. Reva Belle: Only if you think it matters.
Jeszika Gautier: It was one of the best nights I've had with anyone... Male or female... We did things I never ever thought I would do... with anyone. All while my friends slept of their own drunken states in the next room. This all happened in Vegas and unbeknownst to us at the time, not just sex happened that night. Somewhere along the line... we managed to get married...
She pauses.
Jeszika Gautier: I woke up the next morning with a killer hangover, alone in bed... he had deserted me. Instead his body guard Aerynn stormed in and kicked up all out, in dressed and undressed states...
She says Aerynn’s name in anger, pure anger and hatred.
Jeszika Gautier: For a while afterwards, I hated them both. I met Melissa not long after. I went to a bondage bar to distract myself, just with some fun for the night. instead I found Melissa and fell in love with her, accepting her as my dominant and me as her submissive...
Dr. Reva Belle: Did she know you were married?
Jeszika Gautier: She found out when I found out, when Aerynn told us a month later. Between us we then hatched a plan to screw over Brody because of what he did to me. We wanted to teach him a lesson to stop him using girls at bars like he was...
Dr. Reva Belle: Who is "we?"
Jeszika Gautier: Me and Melissa. Then later Ashley, Bethany and Nikki were brought into the plan.
Dr. Reva Belle: Then what happened?
Jeszika Gautier: We planned that I would pretend to try and make this marriage thing work, even if it was accidental and I was to make him fall in love with me, by any means and then drop him and break his heart, make him feel how he made women feel... What I didn’t count on... Was me falling in love with him. But I had a plan to follow through and a girlfriend to go back to. Through out all this time, we played that I had broken up with Melissa. the poor girl was sitting at home in new York alone while her girlfriend was fucking a guy day in and day out... watching as I fell in love with him.
Dr. Reva Belle: And you followed through then?
Jeszika nods.
Jeszika Gautier: On live TV too, I broke his heart on live TV for the world to see, even though it killed me inside to do it... but that wasnt even the worst of it...
Dr. Reva Belle: What was the worst of it?
Jeszika Gautier: Because of what we did, when Brody came out to the ring to talk to me... He got kidnapped by a cult.. While I watched... I tried to stop them... but they got him anyways... They tortured him, for months! We couldn’t find him, couldn’t help him.
Dr. Reva Belle: And so, you feel like you went too far and ruined him instead of just teaching him a lesson?
Jeszika nods.
Jeszika Gautier: Yes... I do... And to top it off, Melissa got dragged into the cult thing too, they took her 'cause of her associating with me, held her for a month, didn't hurt her though, but she lost her job, her home... Everything all 'cause of me... She hated me after that, and left me... I don't blame her either, I'm a worthless girlfriend... I don't deserve love, from anyone, I can't give it to anyone either... I just fuck it up and make mistake after mistake!
Dr. Reva Belle: You don't think anyone will love you or you don't think anyone can?
Jeszika Gautier: Both....
Dr. Reva Belle: Does your family share this sentiment?
Jeszika Gautier: I've never told them I feel that way.
Dr. Reva Belle: Why not?
Jeszika Gautier: I don't want to bother them with anymore of my problems, they have enough of their own.
Dr. Reva Belle: What do you think they would do if you told them?
Jeszika Gautier: Tell me I'm wrong, convince me I'm the awesome person I know I'm not...
Dr. Reva Belle: They sound like good friends.
Jeszika Gautier: They are.
Dr. Reva Belle: Tell me about them.
Jeszika Gautier: What do you want to know about them?
Dr. Reva Belle: Well, tell me about... Nikki.
Jeszika Gautier: Well Nikki I've known since we were both very young, we went to school together. We grew up like sisters pretty much, our families were close.
Dr. Reva Belle: How does she react to things like Brody?
Jeszika Gautier: She supported me, no matter what decision I made.
Dr. Reva Belle: And Ashley?
Jeszika Gautier: Ashley and her Bethany I met at twenty-one when we started working together.
Dr. Reva Belle: What did she think of the Brody situation?
Jeszika Gautier: She hated it, hated him...
Dr. Reva Belle: And what about Bethany?
Jeszika Gautier: She was the same as Nikki.
Dr. Reva Belle: So Nikki and Bethany both went along with this plan and Ashley did too even though she didn't like it?
Jeszika Gautier: Yep, pretty much. Melissa was more in the same boat as Ashley, but knew I had to do this, that it was nothing more than work... nothing more than just another job.
Dr. Reva Belle: Why would they do such a thing?
Jeszika Gautier: 'cause they support me no matter what.
Dr. Reva Belle: All of them?
Jeszika Gautier: Yes though in the case of melissa and ash they couldn't get passed the things Brody had done in the past. Once a bad boy always a bad boy…
Dr. Reva Belle: But they went with it anyway?
Jeszika Gautier: Yeah.
Dr. Reva Belle: Why do you think they did this?
Jeszika Gautier: 'cause they'll support me no matter what I do...
Dr. Reva Belle: Why?
Jeszika Gautier: 'cause they're my friends.
She shrugs.
Jeszika Gautier: It’s what friends do for each other.
Dr. Reva Belle: So if one of them asked you to do something like that, what would you do?
Jeszika Gautier: Support them no matter what…
Dr. Reva Belle: Why?
Jeszika Gautier: 'cause that's what friends do... I would die for those girls...
Dr. Reva Belle: So you would say you love them?
Jeszika Gautier: Yes.
Dr. Reva Belle: Would you say they feel that for you?
Jeszika Gautier: The same…
Dr. Reva Belle: Can you actually say they love you?
Jeszika Gautier: I…
She looks away.
Jeszika Gautier: Yes... they love me...
Dr. Reva Belle: Whether you deserve it or not?
Jeszika Gautier: After the pain I put them through... no... I don't deserve it…
Dr. Reva Belle: But they love you anyway?
Jeszika shrugs.
Jeszika Gautier: I guess so…
Dr. Belle smiles.
Dr. Reva Belle: Sounds like you have a nice little family.
Jeszika Gautier: Yeah I do.
Dr. Reva Belle: A family that loves you, no matter what.
Jeszika Gautier: I guess it is…
Dr. Reva Belle: Can you let yourself say that?
Jeszika Gautier: I... I don't know if I can…
Dr. Belle nods.
Dr. Reva Belle: Try?
Jeszika takes a deep breath squeezing her eyes shut.
Jeszika Gautier: I... I have a family... that loves me....
She takes another deep breath opening her eyes but keeping them on the floor.
Jeszika Gautier: No matter what…
Dr. Belle nods approvingly.
Dr. Reva Belle: I think we’ve found a goal there.
Jeszika frowns.
Jeszika Gautier: We have?
Dr. Belle nods again.
Dr. Reva Belle: When you can comfortably say that without forcing it, without looking away, without looking at your shoes… and truly believe it… we’ll have made progress.
Jeszika Gautier: If that'll ever happen...
Dr. Reva Belle: It will... in time.
Jeszika Gautier: If you say so…
Dr. Belle stands up and nods.
Dr. Reva Belle: For now, we might do well just making you some tea and letting you relax a little.
Jeszika Gautier: Ok.
Dr. Belle nods towards the kitchen and leads her over to a manual grinder with some leaves all set.
Dr. Reva Belle: I grind my own, this way when you drink it, you know you've earned the cup because you made it yourself.
Jeszika Gautier: I wouldn't even know how to use this thing.
Dr. Belle smiles.
Dr. Reva Belle: You put the leaves in the middle there. make sure they're packed in some. Then you take the handle and give it a clockwise turn until the powder comes out the bottom. When you've got about a teaspoon's worth, you're ready to mix in the hot water.
Jeszika gives it a try.
Jeszika Gautier: Like this?
Dr. Belle nods approvingly.
Dr. Reva Belle: Just like that, give it a good four or five more turns, you'll have enough to make a cup or two.
Jeszika does just that. Dr. Belle beams.
Dr. Reva Belle: Good, now scoop it up with your spoon and put it into the little pot right there. There's some hot water in the kettle over there. Pour some in to bring the pot up to about three quarters full then let it steep for a couple of minutes. When it's done steeping, you'll know because the color is a rich brown, get the strainer and place the strainer on the top of the cup, then pour yourself some. Throw the used grounds out and enjoy.
Jeszika Gautier: Ok.
She follows the instructions.
Jeszika Gautier: So what's the point of this tea brewing?
Dr. Belle smiles.
Dr. Reva Belle: To get to drink the tea, it has some naturally relaxing properties. It should let you have a moment or two here where you don't have to worry about things.
Jeszika Gautier: Ok... Worth a shot I guess…
Dr. Reva Belle: Small victories... they still count.
Jeszika Gautier: Sometimes the big ones don't count…
A few minutes later, they’re both holding a cup filled with tea.
Dr. Reva Belle: Congratulations, you’ve made your own tea.
Jeszika Gautier: I guess I did…
Dr. Reva Belle: Here's to small accomplishments.
Jeszika Gautier: So what did we accomplish by making tea again? I make my own coffee all the time…
Dr. Reva Belle: Now you get to drink it and enjoy the relaxation that goes with it.
Jeszika Gautier: Hey... this tea’s not bad... what is it?
She takes bigger mouthful now sitting back in the chair. Jeszika takes another mouthful.
Jeszika Gautier: So will these sessions always be the same? Just talking?
Dr. Reva Belle: I imagine we’ll add other aspects later but early on here, we needed to delve into what the problems are and see if we can start taking inventory. Hard to solve a problem if you don’t know what it is first.
Jeszika Gautier: That's true…
She takes another mouthful of the tea taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent of the tea.
Dr. Reva Belle: Sometimes I take this with honey too.
Jeszika Gautier: Honey would be good... sweet tooth and all.
Dr. Reva Belle: There's some in the cupboard if you want a squeeze.
Jeszika Gautier: Next time... happy just to stay here now…
Dr. Reva Belle: Ok... how do you find my "office?"
Jeszika Gautier: Homey?
Dr. Belle nods, apparently pleased at this answer.
Dr. Reva Belle: It seems to work for my patients.
Jeszika Gautier: I guess it does.
Nodding, Dr. Belle pats Jeszika reassuringly on the shoulder.
Dr. Reva Belle: Don’t worry, it’ll work for you too.
Jeszika Gautier: I hope so.
