Post by photographerbob on Oct 3, 2014 22:54:49 GMT -6
Bob Brooks is sitting inside his studio apartment, and as surprised as some viewers might be that he's still able to afford to live there, they aren't half as surprised as he is. Bob sits on the floor, the video camera pointing at him recording his newest message to UWA. He's wearing a "Bob Brooks Film and Video" shirt, promoting his other job, as a strange ridiculously ripped African American male walks behind him in nothing but his underwear. Seriously this guy looks like a body builder made out of granite or something, sporting some what would be tightie whiteys if it weren't for the fact that they were red. This unknown man also appears to be packing a whole lot of "heat" in them undies of his if you catch my drift. Bob doesn't even blink, as he turns his head and addresses the stranger.
Bob: Yo Johnny, good timing man. Got booked for another match with UWA, somehow. Was about to address my fans, ya know, if I have any left. Wave and say hi."
The man called Johnny looks at Bob, the camera, then down at his almost naked self. He immediately throws his hands in front of his crotch to hide his bulge.
Johnny: Dude is that thing on. I'm like, not dressed man.
Bob: Relax they're wrestling fans, they see people in stuff smaller than underwear all the time. Anyways folks, this is Johnny, my new roommate. See after not being booked in the last two shows, not that I can blame UWA, I had a tough choice to make. Pretty much left with packing up my stuff and moving, probably out of Hollywood in general being it's expensive as crap to live here, or find someone to share the bills with me. This is where Johnny came in.
Johnny: You haven't paid any of the bills since I got here.
Bob: Well I haven't been working. Seriously the photography thing kinda slowed down, almost to a complete stop, and I actually thought UWA had fired me and just forget to send me an email or throw me a phone call. Apparently I'm still on the payroll though, got a match against a dame called Lacey.
Johnny: Nobody uses the word dame any more Robert.
Bob: It's Bob man, I've told you this like, a thousand times. Anyways I've been kind of out of the loop with the wrestling business, being I thought I was fired and all. Had to do some research on Lacey and ya know what I found?
Johnny: Are you asking me or the camera?
Bob: Either I guess. I found that when you look up Lacey on Google, it shows you tons of images of women in their underwear. Not gonna lie, I probably spent a little more time studying them then I did Lacey herself.
Johnny: You're a pig.
Bob: Hey, what is so wrong about admiring a woman's beauty?
Johnny: Probably the part where you treat them like objects for your own personal pleasure.
Bob: I'm sure those ladies were just as lovely on the inside as they are on the outside Johnny. They just never give me the chance to find out. I did eventually get some information on Lacey like, UWA Lacey.
Johnny: Do I even wanna hear what you found?
Bob: Dude, she's even hotter than the lingerie models on Google. Seriously she's got all the right curves in the right places, and according to the internet she likes to ride bikes.
Johnny: Please don't say what I think you're about to say.
Bob: I've got something she can ride on if you know what I mean.
The part time photographer motions with his hands towards his crotch, as Johnny drops his face into his palms.
Bob: Seriously though Johnny, I looked up her credentials in the ring, and she hasn't competed since I last did, it's crazy.
Johnny: How is that crazy?
Bob: Because unlike me, she actually won her last match. I mean here I thought I just got ignored because I was a loser, but here UWA is ignoring a perfectly fine piece of ass who can actually handle herself in the ring. I mean she didn't just beat anybody Johnny, she beat the Television champ, who might I add is also mighty fine to look at.
Roommate Johnny is losing patience, ready to just walk away completely at any moment.
Bob: Defeating the amazing Amy Zing, try saying that five times fast. Thing is, now I'm a bit concerned, because I thought maybe if I won a match or two, I'd get booked more often, but apparently that isn't enough. So maybe I need to try this wrestling business from another stand point.
Johnny: I'm pretty sure winning wouldn't hurt your cause Robbie.
Bob: Truer words have not been spoken John boy, but there is more to it than that. I've got to be captivating, gotta be worth putting in front of a camera, and ya know what I think the people of UWA really want to see?
Johnny: "The cure for cancer? A solution for world hunger?
Bob: Close. I think they wanna see Lacey naked!
Johnny: How is that close to solving world hunger? And what the hell are you even talking about?
Bob: Imagine it Johnny, before winning my match in glorious fashion, I "accidentally" tear Lacey's wrestling attire off. It would easily make my match the most talked about moment on the entire show. My publicity would go through the roof. Everyone would be talking about me.
Johnny: Pretty sure they'd just be talking about Lacey, and how you're a total pervert. I mean you can't claim accident while announcing your plan to the world.
Bob: Doesn't matter Johnny, all that matters is ratings and popularity. If it makes a big enough splash they might book me in a match with the amazing Amy Zing next week, or some other total babe the world is dying to see suffer a wardrobe malfunction.
Johnny: You are disgusting. What if they punish you and book you against another man?
Bob: Women watch UWA too John, and while I won't get any joy in it I'm sure showing off The North American Champion's twig and berries would caue a bit of a buzz as well. This plan is so perfect it can't fail, win lose or draw I'll be swimming in money.
His roommate doesn't approve of this dastardly and totally perverse plan, as he shakes his head no in the background.
Johnny: Ya know, a very microscopic part of me hopes you win so you can help pay more of the bills, but most of me just wants Lacey to kick your teeth down your throat. Wait a second.
The metaphorical lightbulb goes off in Johnny's head.
Johnny: That name sounds familiar. You said you looked her up, thought she was even hotter than those models. This wouldn't happen to be yesterday would it, like right before you took that shower?
A look of guilt pops up on Bob's face, as his eyes open wide. Johnny seems to be remembering things a little clearer now.
Johnny: Yeah you were on the computer, then took like, an hour long shower. And the whole time you were saying something.
Bob: No I wasn't, you were hearing things.
Bob looks like he is starting to sweat as he panics and starts looking around.
Johnny: It wasn't just like, regular talking either. If I dare say, I think it was more like you were moaning.
Bob lunges for the camera.
Bob: Damn it where is the off switch on this thing.
Johnny: Over and over again, you kept moaning the name Lacey. You weren't even remotely subtle about it, things like "Lacey don't stop" or "Lacey that's the spot" then finally "Yeah Lacey take it all you naughty girl." It was kind of creepy man.
Bob: FOUND IT!
Completely blushing red and totally embarrassed, Bob finds the off button and shuts the camera down, as everything goes to black.
Bob: Yo Johnny, good timing man. Got booked for another match with UWA, somehow. Was about to address my fans, ya know, if I have any left. Wave and say hi."
The man called Johnny looks at Bob, the camera, then down at his almost naked self. He immediately throws his hands in front of his crotch to hide his bulge.
Johnny: Dude is that thing on. I'm like, not dressed man.
Bob: Relax they're wrestling fans, they see people in stuff smaller than underwear all the time. Anyways folks, this is Johnny, my new roommate. See after not being booked in the last two shows, not that I can blame UWA, I had a tough choice to make. Pretty much left with packing up my stuff and moving, probably out of Hollywood in general being it's expensive as crap to live here, or find someone to share the bills with me. This is where Johnny came in.
Johnny: You haven't paid any of the bills since I got here.
Bob: Well I haven't been working. Seriously the photography thing kinda slowed down, almost to a complete stop, and I actually thought UWA had fired me and just forget to send me an email or throw me a phone call. Apparently I'm still on the payroll though, got a match against a dame called Lacey.
Johnny: Nobody uses the word dame any more Robert.
Bob: It's Bob man, I've told you this like, a thousand times. Anyways I've been kind of out of the loop with the wrestling business, being I thought I was fired and all. Had to do some research on Lacey and ya know what I found?
Johnny: Are you asking me or the camera?
Bob: Either I guess. I found that when you look up Lacey on Google, it shows you tons of images of women in their underwear. Not gonna lie, I probably spent a little more time studying them then I did Lacey herself.
Johnny: You're a pig.
Bob: Hey, what is so wrong about admiring a woman's beauty?
Johnny: Probably the part where you treat them like objects for your own personal pleasure.
Bob: I'm sure those ladies were just as lovely on the inside as they are on the outside Johnny. They just never give me the chance to find out. I did eventually get some information on Lacey like, UWA Lacey.
Johnny: Do I even wanna hear what you found?
Bob: Dude, she's even hotter than the lingerie models on Google. Seriously she's got all the right curves in the right places, and according to the internet she likes to ride bikes.
Johnny: Please don't say what I think you're about to say.
Bob: I've got something she can ride on if you know what I mean.
The part time photographer motions with his hands towards his crotch, as Johnny drops his face into his palms.
Bob: Seriously though Johnny, I looked up her credentials in the ring, and she hasn't competed since I last did, it's crazy.
Johnny: How is that crazy?
Bob: Because unlike me, she actually won her last match. I mean here I thought I just got ignored because I was a loser, but here UWA is ignoring a perfectly fine piece of ass who can actually handle herself in the ring. I mean she didn't just beat anybody Johnny, she beat the Television champ, who might I add is also mighty fine to look at.
Roommate Johnny is losing patience, ready to just walk away completely at any moment.
Bob: Defeating the amazing Amy Zing, try saying that five times fast. Thing is, now I'm a bit concerned, because I thought maybe if I won a match or two, I'd get booked more often, but apparently that isn't enough. So maybe I need to try this wrestling business from another stand point.
Johnny: I'm pretty sure winning wouldn't hurt your cause Robbie.
Bob: Truer words have not been spoken John boy, but there is more to it than that. I've got to be captivating, gotta be worth putting in front of a camera, and ya know what I think the people of UWA really want to see?
Johnny: "The cure for cancer? A solution for world hunger?
Bob: Close. I think they wanna see Lacey naked!
Johnny: How is that close to solving world hunger? And what the hell are you even talking about?
Bob: Imagine it Johnny, before winning my match in glorious fashion, I "accidentally" tear Lacey's wrestling attire off. It would easily make my match the most talked about moment on the entire show. My publicity would go through the roof. Everyone would be talking about me.
Johnny: Pretty sure they'd just be talking about Lacey, and how you're a total pervert. I mean you can't claim accident while announcing your plan to the world.
Bob: Doesn't matter Johnny, all that matters is ratings and popularity. If it makes a big enough splash they might book me in a match with the amazing Amy Zing next week, or some other total babe the world is dying to see suffer a wardrobe malfunction.
Johnny: You are disgusting. What if they punish you and book you against another man?
Bob: Women watch UWA too John, and while I won't get any joy in it I'm sure showing off The North American Champion's twig and berries would caue a bit of a buzz as well. This plan is so perfect it can't fail, win lose or draw I'll be swimming in money.
His roommate doesn't approve of this dastardly and totally perverse plan, as he shakes his head no in the background.
Johnny: Ya know, a very microscopic part of me hopes you win so you can help pay more of the bills, but most of me just wants Lacey to kick your teeth down your throat. Wait a second.
The metaphorical lightbulb goes off in Johnny's head.
Johnny: That name sounds familiar. You said you looked her up, thought she was even hotter than those models. This wouldn't happen to be yesterday would it, like right before you took that shower?
A look of guilt pops up on Bob's face, as his eyes open wide. Johnny seems to be remembering things a little clearer now.
Johnny: Yeah you were on the computer, then took like, an hour long shower. And the whole time you were saying something.
Bob: No I wasn't, you were hearing things.
Bob looks like he is starting to sweat as he panics and starts looking around.
Johnny: It wasn't just like, regular talking either. If I dare say, I think it was more like you were moaning.
Bob lunges for the camera.
Bob: Damn it where is the off switch on this thing.
Johnny: Over and over again, you kept moaning the name Lacey. You weren't even remotely subtle about it, things like "Lacey don't stop" or "Lacey that's the spot" then finally "Yeah Lacey take it all you naughty girl." It was kind of creepy man.
Bob: FOUND IT!
Completely blushing red and totally embarrassed, Bob finds the off button and shuts the camera down, as everything goes to black.