Post by photographerbob on Jun 11, 2015 17:41:33 GMT -6
Johnny: Got any queens?
Bob: Go fish
The scene fades in to show photographer and professional wrestler Bob Brooks sitting at the small plastic dinner table at his studio apartment playing cards with his roommate Johnny. We can see over his shoulder and realize that he is cheating, because he does indeed have a queen, the queen of hearts to be exact.
Johnny: So you don't seem too upset about not being booked at the last super show UWA had.
The cheating Bob Brooks takes a moment to reorganize his cards as he thinks his next move.
Bob: Yeah well you know, money would be tight but pimp daddy Baron hooked me up for those photos of Vince Jones looking ten shades of confused after losing to me. My wallet is pretty tight for once.
Johnny: Money isn't the only thing to think about Bobby. You got looked over for a match while that very same pimp you mentioned was booked in a non title stupid gimmick match where the loser became a bitch.
Bob: What is your point Johnny?
Johnny: That Silver Baron got a pay day on their super show while coming off a loss, to a man who was also coming off a loss, to you no less, while you spent the night at home with me failing to learn any card game more complicated than go fish. That seem right to you?
Bob: Got any twos?
Instead of answering the question Bob avoids the confrontation by continuing their game. Johnny tosses the two of diamonds at Bob, but continues his argument that Bob should be unpleased with his work provider.
Johnny: Also they called Spring Slaughter a super show, but only the big belt was put on the line. The Television Title, North American Title, and Tag Titles were all missing in action. Meanwhile you are coming off a big victory, which is just the last link of a chain of wins you've gotten recently. Now you've got a match welcoming back Fraser Freeman, and I mean no offense that is a pretty high profile match that people are going to pay attention to this week, however...
While Johnny is talking, Bob pulls out his phone, and starts browsing pictures of Lacey Roberts he had, most of which involve her being practically naked.
Johnny: They actually have the Television Championship on the line this week, and they gave the opportunity to Amy Zing, who has already had her time with the belt. She's not coming off an impressive win streak like you are, she doesn't even hold a victory over the current champion like you do. Remember defeating Lacey Roberts?
Bob: I recall putting my hands on Lacey yes, though not in the way I'd of liked.
Johnny: I'm just saying, it could be argued that she's got an opportunity that you deserve more. Meanwhile the North American Champion is tangled up with the newly crowned World Heavyweight Champion, simultaneously blocking anyone from challenging for either of their belts. Oh and don't get me started on the tag team champs, who like Lacey you also hold a victory over.
Bob: With Lacey Roberts as my partner may I remind you.
Johnny: Sang Real isn't even competing this show, although I'm sure they'll show up to ruin the commentary for some wrestlers who actually you know, wrestle this week. Why aren't you challenging them for their titles? The unavoidable truth is that you deserve some sort of consolation prize for your continued hard work and consistent performances, not to mention you are actually winning quite frequently as of late. Instead they use you as a stepping stone to hype the return of their protector. Doesn't that piss you off?
Bob: I'm finding it hard to be too upset, I've still got that free pass coupon thing for Silver Baron's Pleasure Dome. You know what is better than seeing hot chicks naked in person? Seeing them naked for free.
Johnny: You are unbelievable. One day you're going to get your priorities straight.
Bob: Speaking of priorities, got any queens?
Being so caught up in Bob's professional life, Johnny doesn't even notice Bob asking for the same type of card he just denied having earlier, and hands over the queen of clubs. Bob adds to the wrestling related conversation, but it's possible he only does so to keep Johnny's mind off the card game.
Bob: Relax Johnny, welcoming back Fraser is a big deal you said so yourself. The higher ups haven't forgotten about me, they used me as the welcoming mat for newcomers for a while until I proved I'm better than most if not all the recruits they'd look to sign. I stepped up when they offered me up to Vince Jones as a fluffer match going into Spring Slaughter. Freeman has fought and done well against the best there is to offer. I don't think I'm the one being used to measure somebody this time. I think Freeman is being used to help figure out just how big an opportunity I'm ready for. I pick up another big win here Johnny and I'm sure the boss will be calling us up offering me a shot at some shiny belt or something. Or better yet, Lacey Roberts will call offering me a shot at the party in her pants.
Johnny: I hope so. For the first thing, Lacey is a skank and as little of an opinion as I have of you as a human being you still deserve better.
While Johnny sort of compliments Bob, Bob is stealthily stealing a matched pair of cards from Johnny's side of the table and sliding it over to his.
Bob: If you are so worried about me getting attention at work maybe we should end this game now and I'll go post a video on the internet hyping my match and stuff.
Johnny: Sounds good to me. A little self promoting never hurt right.
The two look down at the table and start to count up their pairs, and it looks like Johnny might finally be figuring out he's been swindled.
Johnny: Hey wait a second this doesn't look right.
Bob: What it looks like is I win. Guess you'll be doing the dishes tonight Johnny. I'm a go get my camera and address Freeman and the UWA universe.
Before Johnny can argue his case Bob runs off to prepare for his video. Meanwhile Johnny is left to clean up the cards and think over what had happened.
Johnny: As if cheating doesn't make you a big enough douche you have to refer to the fans as a universe. How lame is that.
The big guy looks around realizing Bob can't hear him.
Johnny: Almost as lame as talking to yourself I suppose.
He lets out a sad sigh, as the scene fades out and a new scene fades into view. Now Bob is seen alone, casually laying sideways on his bed wearing nothing but his blue and black checkered boxers. It would appear this is Bob's attempt at looking seductive, but his execution isn't nearly on the level of the current Television Champion and so called love of his life Lacey Roberts.
Bob: Hello everyone. It is I, part time photographer and full time badass Bob Brooks. In the not so distant future you will see I, the kicker of asses match up against the returning Fraser Freeman, a man who prides himself on being the protector of asses. Honestly it should be a pretty good show if I do say so myself.
For a video that is supposed to be done for Fraser Freeman, Bob is acting awfully strange, as he runs his hand through his hair.
Bob: You see, Fray-Fray has been gone for a while, and since he's been gone the landscape has changed a bit. I'm not talking about the change in guard that is big boring Sentinel beating up totally sexy Kenyon sister to become top dog. I'm talking about the evolution of the Bobber here. You see when Freeman left, this stud before you was at the bottom of the professional totem pole. At the same time Fray-Fray himself was a little higher up the pole. Some would say he belonged in the middle, I personally gave him a bit more credit than that, but the point is those who haven't been paying attention lately might make the mistake of seeing me as the underdog in this match up.
As an attempt to emphasize the incorrectness of such an idea, Bob both shakes his head no and wags his index finger back in forth, as if to say "tisk tisk" to those who still doubt him.
Bob: I suppose I should have some sort of fondness for Mr. Freeman though. Before he went all missing in action on us, Fray-Fray was protecting some of UWA's most prized eye candy, as well as the fine pieces of booty making a living over at Silver Baron's Pleasure Dome. Also, that was free advertising Baron, so ya know, whenever your whole being Vince Jones' bitch thing is done, holler at your boy. Where was I?
It would seem Bob truly has lost his train of thought, thinking of all the fine beauties that bare it all over at the pleasure dome. Lucky for those viewing this video Bob's legs are crosses just enough to hide any potential view of his alleged tripod popping up.
Bob: That is right, BAMF Bob Brooks battling Fiesty Fraser Freeman. On a night where you've got the two top champs heading toe to toe, I lay here staking claim that the true main event is a little earlier in the card, where two future champions do battle. No I ain't talking about the former champs in Bethany and Vince Jones, and I certainly ain't talking about the pimp who got demoted to opening duty along with Danika Patrick. It isn't the rematch nobody saw coming between Lacey Roberts and Amy Zing either, although I can't lie I'm kind of looking forward to that one.
Now it is pretty clear that Bob is getting a little hot and bothered, although lucky for us Bob grabs a pillow and places it in front of his crotch before anything above a PG13 rating takes place.
Bob: Some people might be wondering what kind of shape Fray-Fray is gonna be in for his return match. Best case scenario for me would be that the almighty protector is a little rusty. Realistically Freeman is just as good as he's ever been, this sort of thing is like riding a bike and it's unlikely he forgot how to put boot to ass. That said, Beautiful Bob Brooks is preparing for the best damn Fraser Freeman we've ever seen, just in case the guy learned some new tricks while he was away.
Again Bob seems to be sending odd messages as he begins to touch himself, his nipples if you wanted to specifics.
Bob: So I expect us to steal the show from the champions who are doing battle, and the champions who are likely to show up at the commentary booth at some point. Fraser and I are going to excite the masses, especially that minx of a woman Lacey Roberts.
And Bob goes from merely rubbing to now pinching his nipples, as his focus is completely side tracked from his opponent to the woman he lusts over.
Bob: Seriously Lacey it's been a while since we've talked. You haven't sent me a new snapchat of you and that title of yours in like, two weeks. It's almost like you've forgotten about me, which would be a terrible thing to do. You see Bobby doesn't like being forgotten. When people, specifically my roommate Johnny put the idea that UWA as a whole might have forgotten me, I kind of started kicking the crap out of everyone they put in the ring with me. When big bad Vince Jones who had already competed with me before acted like he forgot who I was he ended up flat on his back for the three count. Bob Ross doesn't make mistakes he just has happy little accidents. Don't you go forgetting me babe, or Boib Brooks here might need to go the extra mile to remind you who the hell he is and what it is he's owed.
Those last words just sort of hang there for a moment, as Bob stares into the camera lens trying to remember what he was doing. A few seconds pass before it finally clicks, and he gets back on track.
Bob: But that is a date for another time. First up is battle tested Bob Brooks going to war with fighting Fraser Freeman. Oh there is gonna be action, and I'm sure Fray-Fray is gonna get his shots in. Back and forth like all epic battles are supposed to be, the fans will be on their feet, everyone will be chewing their nails waiting for the outcome and what an outcome it will be. Sweat, tears, and maybe even some blood will be shed, before one of us hits the knock out blow. It won't be a happy ending for the returning protector though, no. When all is said and done, all the fans at home are gonna here is the sound of one of our esteemed commentators screaming "DOWN GOES FRASER! DOWN GOES FRASER!" as the bell sounds and Jamie Hensley announces "And your winner, Big Stud Bob Brooks!"
Unfortunately Bob moves the pillow from in front of his junk, and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He pushes himself off the bed, and walks towards the camera, spotting an impossible to miss hard on after fantasizing about Lacey earlier. He does his best effort to look menacingly into the camera lens as he gets closer and closer.
Bob: By the end of the night Freeman, I'm gonna make sure you remember me... Remember me for centuries.
Is Bob Brooks really lame enough to end a shoot video with a Falloutboy reference? Well seeing as the scene immediately fades to black afterwards, it would appear that he is.
Bob: Go fish
The scene fades in to show photographer and professional wrestler Bob Brooks sitting at the small plastic dinner table at his studio apartment playing cards with his roommate Johnny. We can see over his shoulder and realize that he is cheating, because he does indeed have a queen, the queen of hearts to be exact.
Johnny: So you don't seem too upset about not being booked at the last super show UWA had.
The cheating Bob Brooks takes a moment to reorganize his cards as he thinks his next move.
Bob: Yeah well you know, money would be tight but pimp daddy Baron hooked me up for those photos of Vince Jones looking ten shades of confused after losing to me. My wallet is pretty tight for once.
Johnny: Money isn't the only thing to think about Bobby. You got looked over for a match while that very same pimp you mentioned was booked in a non title stupid gimmick match where the loser became a bitch.
Bob: What is your point Johnny?
Johnny: That Silver Baron got a pay day on their super show while coming off a loss, to a man who was also coming off a loss, to you no less, while you spent the night at home with me failing to learn any card game more complicated than go fish. That seem right to you?
Bob: Got any twos?
Instead of answering the question Bob avoids the confrontation by continuing their game. Johnny tosses the two of diamonds at Bob, but continues his argument that Bob should be unpleased with his work provider.
Johnny: Also they called Spring Slaughter a super show, but only the big belt was put on the line. The Television Title, North American Title, and Tag Titles were all missing in action. Meanwhile you are coming off a big victory, which is just the last link of a chain of wins you've gotten recently. Now you've got a match welcoming back Fraser Freeman, and I mean no offense that is a pretty high profile match that people are going to pay attention to this week, however...
While Johnny is talking, Bob pulls out his phone, and starts browsing pictures of Lacey Roberts he had, most of which involve her being practically naked.
Johnny: They actually have the Television Championship on the line this week, and they gave the opportunity to Amy Zing, who has already had her time with the belt. She's not coming off an impressive win streak like you are, she doesn't even hold a victory over the current champion like you do. Remember defeating Lacey Roberts?
Bob: I recall putting my hands on Lacey yes, though not in the way I'd of liked.
Johnny: I'm just saying, it could be argued that she's got an opportunity that you deserve more. Meanwhile the North American Champion is tangled up with the newly crowned World Heavyweight Champion, simultaneously blocking anyone from challenging for either of their belts. Oh and don't get me started on the tag team champs, who like Lacey you also hold a victory over.
Bob: With Lacey Roberts as my partner may I remind you.
Johnny: Sang Real isn't even competing this show, although I'm sure they'll show up to ruin the commentary for some wrestlers who actually you know, wrestle this week. Why aren't you challenging them for their titles? The unavoidable truth is that you deserve some sort of consolation prize for your continued hard work and consistent performances, not to mention you are actually winning quite frequently as of late. Instead they use you as a stepping stone to hype the return of their protector. Doesn't that piss you off?
Bob: I'm finding it hard to be too upset, I've still got that free pass coupon thing for Silver Baron's Pleasure Dome. You know what is better than seeing hot chicks naked in person? Seeing them naked for free.
Johnny: You are unbelievable. One day you're going to get your priorities straight.
Bob: Speaking of priorities, got any queens?
Being so caught up in Bob's professional life, Johnny doesn't even notice Bob asking for the same type of card he just denied having earlier, and hands over the queen of clubs. Bob adds to the wrestling related conversation, but it's possible he only does so to keep Johnny's mind off the card game.
Bob: Relax Johnny, welcoming back Fraser is a big deal you said so yourself. The higher ups haven't forgotten about me, they used me as the welcoming mat for newcomers for a while until I proved I'm better than most if not all the recruits they'd look to sign. I stepped up when they offered me up to Vince Jones as a fluffer match going into Spring Slaughter. Freeman has fought and done well against the best there is to offer. I don't think I'm the one being used to measure somebody this time. I think Freeman is being used to help figure out just how big an opportunity I'm ready for. I pick up another big win here Johnny and I'm sure the boss will be calling us up offering me a shot at some shiny belt or something. Or better yet, Lacey Roberts will call offering me a shot at the party in her pants.
Johnny: I hope so. For the first thing, Lacey is a skank and as little of an opinion as I have of you as a human being you still deserve better.
While Johnny sort of compliments Bob, Bob is stealthily stealing a matched pair of cards from Johnny's side of the table and sliding it over to his.
Bob: If you are so worried about me getting attention at work maybe we should end this game now and I'll go post a video on the internet hyping my match and stuff.
Johnny: Sounds good to me. A little self promoting never hurt right.
The two look down at the table and start to count up their pairs, and it looks like Johnny might finally be figuring out he's been swindled.
Johnny: Hey wait a second this doesn't look right.
Bob: What it looks like is I win. Guess you'll be doing the dishes tonight Johnny. I'm a go get my camera and address Freeman and the UWA universe.
Before Johnny can argue his case Bob runs off to prepare for his video. Meanwhile Johnny is left to clean up the cards and think over what had happened.
Johnny: As if cheating doesn't make you a big enough douche you have to refer to the fans as a universe. How lame is that.
The big guy looks around realizing Bob can't hear him.
Johnny: Almost as lame as talking to yourself I suppose.
He lets out a sad sigh, as the scene fades out and a new scene fades into view. Now Bob is seen alone, casually laying sideways on his bed wearing nothing but his blue and black checkered boxers. It would appear this is Bob's attempt at looking seductive, but his execution isn't nearly on the level of the current Television Champion and so called love of his life Lacey Roberts.
Bob: Hello everyone. It is I, part time photographer and full time badass Bob Brooks. In the not so distant future you will see I, the kicker of asses match up against the returning Fraser Freeman, a man who prides himself on being the protector of asses. Honestly it should be a pretty good show if I do say so myself.
For a video that is supposed to be done for Fraser Freeman, Bob is acting awfully strange, as he runs his hand through his hair.
Bob: You see, Fray-Fray has been gone for a while, and since he's been gone the landscape has changed a bit. I'm not talking about the change in guard that is big boring Sentinel beating up totally sexy Kenyon sister to become top dog. I'm talking about the evolution of the Bobber here. You see when Freeman left, this stud before you was at the bottom of the professional totem pole. At the same time Fray-Fray himself was a little higher up the pole. Some would say he belonged in the middle, I personally gave him a bit more credit than that, but the point is those who haven't been paying attention lately might make the mistake of seeing me as the underdog in this match up.
As an attempt to emphasize the incorrectness of such an idea, Bob both shakes his head no and wags his index finger back in forth, as if to say "tisk tisk" to those who still doubt him.
Bob: I suppose I should have some sort of fondness for Mr. Freeman though. Before he went all missing in action on us, Fray-Fray was protecting some of UWA's most prized eye candy, as well as the fine pieces of booty making a living over at Silver Baron's Pleasure Dome. Also, that was free advertising Baron, so ya know, whenever your whole being Vince Jones' bitch thing is done, holler at your boy. Where was I?
It would seem Bob truly has lost his train of thought, thinking of all the fine beauties that bare it all over at the pleasure dome. Lucky for those viewing this video Bob's legs are crosses just enough to hide any potential view of his alleged tripod popping up.
Bob: That is right, BAMF Bob Brooks battling Fiesty Fraser Freeman. On a night where you've got the two top champs heading toe to toe, I lay here staking claim that the true main event is a little earlier in the card, where two future champions do battle. No I ain't talking about the former champs in Bethany and Vince Jones, and I certainly ain't talking about the pimp who got demoted to opening duty along with Danika Patrick. It isn't the rematch nobody saw coming between Lacey Roberts and Amy Zing either, although I can't lie I'm kind of looking forward to that one.
Now it is pretty clear that Bob is getting a little hot and bothered, although lucky for us Bob grabs a pillow and places it in front of his crotch before anything above a PG13 rating takes place.
Bob: Some people might be wondering what kind of shape Fray-Fray is gonna be in for his return match. Best case scenario for me would be that the almighty protector is a little rusty. Realistically Freeman is just as good as he's ever been, this sort of thing is like riding a bike and it's unlikely he forgot how to put boot to ass. That said, Beautiful Bob Brooks is preparing for the best damn Fraser Freeman we've ever seen, just in case the guy learned some new tricks while he was away.
Again Bob seems to be sending odd messages as he begins to touch himself, his nipples if you wanted to specifics.
Bob: So I expect us to steal the show from the champions who are doing battle, and the champions who are likely to show up at the commentary booth at some point. Fraser and I are going to excite the masses, especially that minx of a woman Lacey Roberts.
And Bob goes from merely rubbing to now pinching his nipples, as his focus is completely side tracked from his opponent to the woman he lusts over.
Bob: Seriously Lacey it's been a while since we've talked. You haven't sent me a new snapchat of you and that title of yours in like, two weeks. It's almost like you've forgotten about me, which would be a terrible thing to do. You see Bobby doesn't like being forgotten. When people, specifically my roommate Johnny put the idea that UWA as a whole might have forgotten me, I kind of started kicking the crap out of everyone they put in the ring with me. When big bad Vince Jones who had already competed with me before acted like he forgot who I was he ended up flat on his back for the three count. Bob Ross doesn't make mistakes he just has happy little accidents. Don't you go forgetting me babe, or Boib Brooks here might need to go the extra mile to remind you who the hell he is and what it is he's owed.
Those last words just sort of hang there for a moment, as Bob stares into the camera lens trying to remember what he was doing. A few seconds pass before it finally clicks, and he gets back on track.
Bob: But that is a date for another time. First up is battle tested Bob Brooks going to war with fighting Fraser Freeman. Oh there is gonna be action, and I'm sure Fray-Fray is gonna get his shots in. Back and forth like all epic battles are supposed to be, the fans will be on their feet, everyone will be chewing their nails waiting for the outcome and what an outcome it will be. Sweat, tears, and maybe even some blood will be shed, before one of us hits the knock out blow. It won't be a happy ending for the returning protector though, no. When all is said and done, all the fans at home are gonna here is the sound of one of our esteemed commentators screaming "DOWN GOES FRASER! DOWN GOES FRASER!" as the bell sounds and Jamie Hensley announces "And your winner, Big Stud Bob Brooks!"
Unfortunately Bob moves the pillow from in front of his junk, and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He pushes himself off the bed, and walks towards the camera, spotting an impossible to miss hard on after fantasizing about Lacey earlier. He does his best effort to look menacingly into the camera lens as he gets closer and closer.
Bob: By the end of the night Freeman, I'm gonna make sure you remember me... Remember me for centuries.
Is Bob Brooks really lame enough to end a shoot video with a Falloutboy reference? Well seeing as the scene immediately fades to black afterwards, it would appear that he is.