Post by Sang Réal on Jan 23, 2015 16:09:07 GMT -6
There is no library set. There are no chairs. There is no tailor shop selling custom tailored suits or a shoe guy. There is no pool surrounded by beautiful women in skimpy bathing suits, or a Jacuzzi or the back of a limo or private plane or anything that shows off the image of elite and pampered that Sang Réal strives to maintain.
There is nothing one would expect to see when Sang Réal has that big match or is trying to be funny. This time, there is no comedy, there are no shenanigans. This time, they are in the place where they were raised. This time, they are in the ring.
This time, there are no suits and ties. There are no sunglasses. This time, Murphy is dressed in a white tank top and a black pair of shorts. This time, Krown is in a black t-shirt and a grey pair of sweat pants. This time, they are sparing, working off nearly three months of ringrust as their last match was in October.
As the scene opens, Murphy catches their sparing partner, a tall Caucasian male with curly blonde hair dressed in gym shorts, with the Wolf Fang Fight. He quickly tags in Krown, who hits the ring and shoots the ropes, catching the sparing partner’s tag team partner, a bald African American man wearing red shorts and a red t-shirt, with a dropkick that knocks him off the apron and then gets to his feet. He catches the other sparing partner with Ye King’s Anger, then tags in Murphy and nails the man outside with a baseball slide. Murphy hoists the sparing partner up with a gutwrench and Krown quickly catches him with a neckbreaker. Murphy rolls over for a cover, and then gets to his feet. The two sparing partners are quick to exit the ring.
Murphy moves to the corner Sang Réal has taken and picks up two water bottles. He tosses one to Krown, who manages to catch it and opens it, chugging it down. Murphy grabs a towel, taking a swig from the water bottle, then wiping his forehead and face. He drops the towel over the top rope.
Murphy: “This is the point in time when we’d break out the leather chairs and the book shelves and the fake library set.”
Krown almost chokes on his water, looking shocked.
Krown: “That was fake?”
Murphy ignores the comment. Krown shrugs and takes another swig of water.
Murphy: “And we would do another Roll Call and go on about our opponents and the upcoming title match, but we are not doing that this time.”
Krown “We’re not, mostly because we have over three months of ringrust to work off.”
Murphy: “It is not the time for cheap jokes or sets or shenanigans. This time it is about business, and that business is showing for once that the UWA Tag Team division should actually be given some degree of prominence, because finally, after weeks of using them as paperweights or decoration, the UWA has finally decided have K.I.S.S. defend their titles.”
Krown nods.
Krown: “Truly a historic main event for Monday Night Mayhem. This is only the third Tag Team Championship match in history, as well as the second on a Monday Night Mayhem, but we are pretty sure that this is the first time since winning the championships nearly 112 days ago that Ashley and Bethany have teamed together. This is truly a historic night to be had thanks to someone in UWA management remembering that the UWA has a tag team division.”
Murphy: “Yes, finally, the UWA has remembered the tag team division and that the titles should be defended.”
Krown: “If you aren’t going to actually do anything with the titles, why would you make having Tag Team Championships a thing that you’d do? It makes no sense.”
Murphy: “Exactly. Even with bi-weekly shows, one would imagine a tag team match could be featured, or perhaps even a tag team wrestler who is not a Kenyon sister or a Sin City Knight, which we will admit is a crazy thought, but we do stand by our statement that K.I.S.S. has wrestled as many matches as Bene Elohim, the Cornbread Mafia and ourselves, Sang Réal combined, and there seems something wrong with that.”
Krown: “Sometimes, I feel like a leprechaun or a UFO sighting, in that a Sang Réal match in the UWA is a rare sight and no one believes it happens. We are like the Tasmanian tiger, rare to see but we may exist, just no one can confirm it because we are so rarely seen, much like a UWA Tag Team Championship match.”
Murphy: “We have not had a match since October, the Cornbread Mafia has not had one since roughly the same time, and Bene Elohim finally managed to get a match after weeks of hanging around backstage for no reason other than to try and be evil and scary. Meanwhile, the Kenyon sisters are on every show.”
Krown: “My working theory is that Georgio Oliver does not care about non-Kenyon and non-pimp based tag teams. Or that he forgets we’re here. Clearly the company forgot we had Tag Team Championships. Again, why would you make having a tag team division or Tag Team Championships things you would do if you don’t want to make doing anything with them things you would do?”
Krown shrugs and scratches his head, looking confused.
Murphy: “So this week, the greatest underdog team in the UWA, K.I.S.S., the team no one anyone thought would make it, even though the UWA put them on every single show they could find a spot for them on, overcoming such adversity being completely overexposure and wrestling high profile matches to rise to the top of the UWA, draped in gold, now has to suffer through wrestling yet another high profile match and defend the UWA Tag Team Championships.”
Krown: “The sheer fact that they have overcome and endured the hardships of getting to do their craft every single show, only missing two shows since the day the UWA started, and wrestling many high-profile matches. They are truly an inspiring tale or perseverance and struggling through adversity in the face of overwhelming exposure.”
Suddenly standing straight, Krown mockingly salutes K.I.S.S. and their “underdog” career, as Sang Réal has put it.
Murphy: “I honestly think the only reason K.I.S.S. versus the Sin City Knights happened so quickly is because it was K.I.S.S. and Georgio couldn’t wait to get titles on them in a pointless attempt to make them matter, and then as soon as they won them, they moved on to other things.”
Krown: “We have a bet that by 2016, Ashley and Bethany will hold all the titles in the UWA at the exact same time because Georgio loves them that much. I got $20 that says Bethany is randomly named the number one contender after Tragic Engagement, or Georgio fudges the tournament results to get her the shot, because she deserves it and I do not actually think anyone bothered to name the person who won the tournament and the right to challenge the champion at Tragic Engagement, which is kind of coming up.”
Murphy: “Ashley and Bethany Kenyon have wrestled twenty-two matches, the exact total of all three opposing teams they face next week. Now while we may not get along with Bene Elohim or the Cornbread Mafia, especially the Cornbread Mafia, I think we can all agree that K.I.S.S. is just a bit overexposed. We can also agree that, even if one of us wins and there are new Tag Team Champions, this will probably be the last match any of us wrestle for a few months while Ashley and Bethany will have a match every Mayhem.”
Krown: “We think it may have to do with the fact that every time the camera is on them, it’s like a reality show full of angsty, emotional drama bullshit. I know I cannot turn away from watching the latest relationship issue Ashley and Bethany have, or seeing what emotional trial they are going through this week. I eagerly tune in for every episode of Keeping up with the Kenyons.”
Murphy: “And I love how they defend it. I love how they completely ignore their overexposure. We actually have two wins girls, one tag team match, and one in a six person tag team match. But why would you actually know that when you’re so busy dealing with your reality show lives to pay attention to the division you are champions in? The number of matches we have won or lost does not really compare to the fact that you two get to walk around with titles and be on every show.”
Krown: “So when we capture those titles, and become UWA Tag Team Champions, the UWA will probably not give us a match until at least June, but at least we’ll be able to hang around backstage with championships like they mean something and continue the proud tradition of being paper champions, except we do not want to be paper champions.”
Murphy: “We believe the UWA tag team division has potential. We believe it should be prominanetly featured. That is why we proposed all those ideas we had, like a battle royal to crown number one contenders or defending the title on a pay-per-view or doing some sort of tournament or anything to make them seem desirable.”
Krown: “So basically, the complete opposite of how the titles are treated now.”
There is something different about Sang Réal, while that arrogance, that attitude they have that they are better than everyone else is still there in how they move, in their bdoy language, but there is an anger and a frustration in their voices, defiantly more audible in Murphy’s than in Krown’s, but it is there. There is also a focus and determination. They want this. These are not words of wrestlers trying to intimidate their opponents, these are the words of a team determined to make them a reality.
Murphy: “And see, that is the thing that no one seems to understand or get in the UWA in that every set of Tag Team Champions have been paper champions. We had the Silver Baron and Quentin Sharpe as the first champions, and no one is going to convince me that a singles wrestler and a man who wrestled one match in his entire career deserved a title shot when we go out there and bust our asses every time the UWA deems us worthy to be on television.”
Krown: “The sheer fact that we put everything on the line in a steel cage match, despite losing, and got nothing out of it, except for a Rivalry of the Year nomination that will be lost to Arsenal, Aerynn Donnelly versus the Children of Nephilim which was shoved down our throats like a scared kid’s fist through his monitor after being freaked out by a website, is an insult to our families and everything we have given to this business.”
Murphy: “And we thought it would get better when K.I.S.S won the titles.”
Krown chuckles and shakes his head, placing his hands on his hips.
Krown: “We were wrong.”
Krown mouths a silent “wow”, trying to look shocked at how wrong they were.
Murphy: “I will not argue with the success Ashley and Bethany Kenyon have had, only because the UWA insists on putting them on every single show, so the only options would be for them to be overhyped and successful or overhyped and unsuccessful. But, we expect them to win the titles and thus make the titles legitimate or make them desirable or make them mean something. We expected them to start the renaissance of tag team wrestling in the UWA. What we were given instead were paper champions doing nothing with the titles except using then to feng shui their homes.”
Krown: “And really, we are impressed how well K.I.S.S. was able to tie the room together with the titles.”
Krown throws up a fake thumbs up.
Murphy: “And like we said, Ashley and Bethany can make excuses about how it is up to UWA management to make title matches or make matches, but like my old man said “excuses are like assholes; everyone’s got one”.”
Krown: “Mine told me “when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me”, which we feel like given we thought K.I.S.S. winning the title would help the UWA tag team division.”
Murphy crushes the plastic bottle in his hand, shooting water from it. He throws it down and across the ring in anger.
Murphy: “The UWA tag team division is a joke. It is a complete waste of time because only two teams seem to get an exposure, the most overexposed team in the UWA, K.I.S.S., and the Sin City Knights, who are barely even a team anymore, thus really hard to count. The rest of us get to be a part of the UWA when we are deemed worthy, when someone remembers we are here. If you took every match wrestled by the Rising Sun Dynasty, Bene Elohim, Dark Camelot or Avalon or whatever they are called, the Cornbread Mafia and Sang Réal, it would not even equal half of what the Sin City Knights and K.I.S.S. have wrestled. K.I.S.S. alone has wrestled twenty-two matches, the combined total of every match the Cornbread Mafia, Bene Elohim and we have wrestled in our entire UWA run.”
Krown: “It’s like we don’t even work here.”
Murphy: “You know what’s amazing? Even if we win, or the Cornbread Mafia wins, or Bene Elohim wins and we have new UWA Tag Team Champions, none of us have any legitimacy to make those titles mean anything more than just being on more paper champions. And even if we win, rather than being allowed to parade about our win or celebrate it or find a set of challengers, none of us are going to see the inside of the ring until June at the earliest while we’ll see Ashley and Bethany get another twenty matches before we step foot in the ring again.”
Krown: “Although we are hoping for some sort of big meeting with all the wrestlers on stage as that may be the only time we get into the ring before summer.”
Murphy: “The sad thing is, we or Bene Elohim or the Cornbread Mafia could win those titles, quit the next day, well we or the Mafia could, I doubt Miako will let Bene Elohim quit or do anything without her permission, but we could quit, and it would make no difference because we’re barely on Mayhem to wrestle enough to even really matter. It would make no impact, no difference in the tag team division at all.”
Krown: “It’s amazing how many times I see in dirt sheets that we or the Cornbread Mafia have been released or people ask if we still work for UWA. We
still have jobs. Seriously."
Murphy: “The way it is now, we see three scenarios for how this match ends.”
Krown: “And only one of them is good.”
Murphy: “Scenario one; K.I.S.S. retains the titles and continues to be overexposed, and hopefully, God willing, someone in the UWA remembers the UWA Tag Team Championships are a thing before 2016, and K.I.S.S. drops the titles to the next team that challenges them after they spend 200 or more days as champions because they never bother to defend the titles unless someone remembers they exist.”
Krown: “We have our money on either Amy Zing and Craven or Jeszika Gautier and Broderick Montgomery III, the only other non-K.I.S.S. teams besides Bene Elohim to win a tag team match in the last six months and thus, there are your top contenders, because Georgio Oliver does not care about tag team wrestling. But at least we get to see the titles on Keeping up with the Kenyons.”
Murphy: “Scenario two; one of us wins, and maybe, maybe if we are very lucky, we can actually do something to make the UWA Tag Team Championships mean something.”
Krown: “We consider this one a pipe dream.”
Murphy: “The third and final scenario is that the UWA just gets rid of the titles and we’re pretty much just a bunch of assholes in tag teams wasting our time chasing non-existent titles and maybe wrestle three times a year.”
Krown: “This is exactly where we are now, except that the UWA does have Tag Team Championships. Honestly, I forgot those titles existed.”
Murphy: “Let’s really be honest here, the most intense feud the UWA tag team division saw was over a year ago, when we and the Cornbread Mafia went at it. Since then, there’s been nothing done in the division. And that amazes me. Even when we were in Ragnarok and feuding with the Sin City Knights, there could have been a tag team match in there rather than everyone dealing with Silver Baron’s crazy. We laid out the Cornbread Mafia and they were apparently cool with it rather than revive a great rivalry that helped put the UWA tag team division into the spotlight, only to be wasted by a pointless title match and lackluster champions that could have been better. During the eternity Arsenal and Aerynn Donnelly were feuding with the Children of Nephilim, K.I.S.S. versus Bene Elohim could have happened. Even now, Bene Elohim and the Sin City Knights could have had something, but they both seemed to move on with their lives with the Knights getting matches week after week and Bene Elohim slinking back into the shadows to listen to Miako being cryptic.”
Krown: “And we reiterate that the initial championship match was a joke. Only one legitimate team, no build-up, no hype, and thrown onto the pay-per-view as a last minute filler match. The steel cgae match should have been the moment to make the titles.”
Murphy: “What really insulted us was that we were so disappointed in it, and we really thought the other teams would have looked as Silver Baron and his partner, Quentin Sharpe, a man who literally debuted in a match two weeks before the title match, and joined us in our sense of disgust. We didn’t have an issue with the Cornbread Mafia in the match. We would say they earned it. We would have accepted Silver Baron and Fraser Freeman was they had racked up a few matches as a tag team. But they gave the shot to Silver Baron, a man who had been wrestling singles matches week after week and a guy fresh off the street to be his partner.”
Krown: “We felt it was not only a slap in the face to tag team wrestling and all our work in a great feud, but that slap was followed by a kick to the balls and then management peed on us.”
Murphy: “And what amazed us more was that no other tag team felt the same way. Everyone acted like we were just whining and complaining. No one looked at it from our perspective and thought that maybe, just maybe, something we said mad a bit of sense. And they condemned us for making a mockery of the match on commentary, but no one considered the fact that we saw that match as a mockery of all the hard work every team in the UWA had put in, to see the first UWA Tag Team Championship match be contested in a match involving a team that had never teamed before and seemed like it was a last minute addition to the show was insulting.”
Krown: “Of course we were going to treat the match as a joke. It was a joke. We considered it a joke. We even came out and said it was a joke of a match.”
Murphy: “Look at the champions Silver Baron and Quentin Sharpe turned out to be. They, especially Silver Baron, acted as if their two tag team victories elevated them to the heights of such teams as Frenzy or Venom or Hell’s Henchmen or some other legendary tag team.”
Krown: “But the Sin City Knights were the greatest UWA Tag Team Champions in history because Silver Baron sure as hell acted like it. If anyone should walk around here with giant egos, it is going to be us.”
Murphy: “And then you have Ashley and Bethany Kenyon, completely overexposed, and have done nothing with the title since winning them.”
Krown: “But they look lovely in their homes, really tie the room together. And two titles really bring out the color in Ashley’s eyes. Don’t believe me? Watch every episode of Mayhem, I am sure a Kenyon will be on the show.”
Murphy: “And I know we sound bitter and resentful, we are willing to admit that because we are. We are bitter and resentful how the tag teams are treated by UWA management. Look at how many tag teams have walked in and quit. I often wonder why we stick around. Why would any tag team in wrestling want to wrestle for the UWA when it is clear the company does not give a damn about its tag teams?”
Krown: “We’re pretty sure they wouldn’t want to.”
Murphy: “You’re damn right they wouldn’t want to and it has to change!”
Krown nods in agreement with his tag team partner’s statement.
Krown: “Right now it’s just a bunch of people pretending to be tag teams with belts about as meaningful and prestigious as toy titles you see in stores.”
Murphy: “Now, in a rare moment of humility, we are going to admit that maybe, just maybe we are not the team that will change it, but we certainly cannot do worse than the Sin City Knights or K.I.S.S. The tag team division has to mean something again and we have to make it mean something again.”
Krown: “Again, we’re shocked teams like Bene Elohim and the Cornbread Mafia are not upset that they have wrestled about eight matches each. Then again, Bene Elohim gets to be on every show listening to Miako being cryptic and the Cornbread Mafia is usually too drunk to care.”
Murphy: “We care. Regardless of whatever people may say about us, we came to the UWA to be a tag team, to be champions. We, nor any team, can really do that if they only wrestle less than ten matches a year or if the company they work for does not care about the titles. We care. We deserve to win.”
Krown: “We care, because no one else will.”
Murphy: “Bene Elohim does not care, because Bene Elohim is part of the most overexposed and overrated group in the UWA. They could go their entire careers without winning the UWA Tag Team Championships or doing anything at all and everyone is still going to try and convince us that the Children of Nephilim are the army of darkness sent by Satan to lay siege upon the world.”
Krown: “Nice to know the legion of Hell make the bad guys out of 80’s cartoons seem dangerous. Way to go guys.”
Again, Krown throws up a thumbs up.
Murphy: “Bene Elohim have no balls, no integrity and no common sense. All I have seen out of them is them in the background asking Miako what they should do and any answer she gives them seems to calm them. We all saw them betray Arsenal and Jeszika Gautier after the match as opposed to during the match when it may have helped the Children win a match. And afterwards, they became background extras to McBride and Miako, and that is exactly where they are today.”
Krown: “Personally, I loved how Ashley was all eager to battle Bene Elohim now, as opposed to about a year ago, when apparently, during the epic rivalry between Arsenal and Aerynn Donnelly and the Children of Nephilim, no one thought to make Bene Elohim versus K.I.S.S. a match, nor did K.I.S.S. go after them with such vigor.”
Murphy: “I guess the one good thing about Bene Elohim winning the Tag Team Championships is at least the titles will stay on every episode of Mayhem as we listen to the Children be cryptic and be defended once every six months or so.”
Krown: “And thus ensure the status quo.”
Murphy: “And what can we say about the Cornbread Mafia?”
Krown: “No seriously, what can we say about them? We’re pretty much out of material. I mean we’ve made the drunk jokes. We’ve made the jokes about them being the products of inbreeding. We’ve made the jokes about their lack of a formal education and the fact that we have no idea what they are saying. We’re pretty much out of material.”
Murphy: “Shawn and Cameron Worley, one more time, we step into the ring. One more time, we put it all on the lien against you. A year ago, we beat you and it kicked off the only intense feud the UWA tag team division has seen. Now, we’re going to do it again.”
Krown moves to the corner and sets his water bottle down.
Krown: “Anyone can start; but only a thoroughbred will finish.”
Murphy: “This time, we finish it before it even starts. This time, we beat you and when we do, we walk out of the UWA Tag Team Champions, and you just walk out. We are going to show the world that we are more than fancy suits and insults. Wrestling is in our blood, just like moonshine and cousin sex is in yours.”
Krown smiles a big smile.
Krown: “Oh, see, we had one more drunk and incest joke left.”
Murphy: “Last year, we had one of the best matches of the year, a match that should have been nominated for match of the year, inside a steel cage. You two won, we admit that. You won and you should have ridden that momentum all the way to a UWA Tag Team Championship reign and we would have been right there, first in line to challenge you for those titles and had we would have torn each other apart, but at least those titles would mean something.”
Krown: “Consider what we did to each other with no titles. Now imagine what we would have done to each other with titles. But, you lost to pimps. Why you would make that a thing that you would do, I will never know, but you did.”
Murphy: “You had your chance and you blew it. And even if you win, the status quo stays the same, because the Cornbread Mafia, despite how the crowd reacts to you, and we admit it, you are popular, but those people are morons, you’ll wrestle maybe ten times throughout 2015 if you are lucky.”
Krown: “Who knows? Maybe 2016 will be the year the UWA tag teams get to wrestle a whole eleven times while Ashley and Bethany Kenyon get to wrestle fifty-two times in one whole year, which would be an accomplishment considering Mayhem is on every two weeks.”
Murphy: “And that brings us back to Ashley and Bethany Kenyon, and all I can say is that we are disappointed in you because for all your hype, all your accomplishments, all your popularity and influence and everything, you turned out to be paper champions.”
Krown: “I never thought I would be able to stand here and call K.I.S.S. paper champions, but I am standing here and I am calling K.I.S.S. paper champions.”
Murphy: “And you can make excuses, you can defend why we are here, over one hundred days after you won the titles and it is your first title defense when your opportunity at the titles was less than a month after Sin City Knights won the titles, but all your words, everything you say is just going to be empty words of another set of paper champions.”
Krown: “Really, there is no logical reason why the words “K.I.S.S” and “paper champions” should be in the same sentence, but there it is, but they have been too busy with their reality show lifestyles shenangians.”
Murphy: “And you can make excuses for the lackluster title reign, like Ashley did for Amy Zing, who went out and repeatedly stated she wanted to defend the title, but the UWA couldn’t be bothered to find her an opponent before Lacey Roberts walked up to her and stated she wanted the title, while surrounded by family celebrating the holidays or showing off your rescue dog named after a crappy 80s TV show, but that’s all they are, just excuses. At Monday Night Mayhem, while we may not like you or Bene Elohim or the Cornbread Mafia, but the cultists and rednecks and we all agree that you have had your shot to be UWA Tag Team Champions and you completely wasted it doing other things like chasing another title and randomly teaming with your friend or her ex-husband.”
Krown: “Clearly those matches were more important than actually being tag team champions.”
Murphy: “K.I.S.S., the very idea that you two could ever be called underdogs is a lie. You two have been given every single opportunity to succeed, just like Bene Elohim. The difference is that you actually succeeded. The Cornbread Mafia and ourselves were not even given a chance to fail, and we did not fail. We succeeded. We shined before the UWA decided to just make sure our candle went out. If anyone is the underdog, it is us, not you two you overexposed, over promoted, overused paper champions. At Monday Night Mayhem, your time as champions is up. It may not be us. It may be the overhyped, overrated Bene Elohim or the wasted Cornbred Mafia, but with God as my witness, we will be damned if we let you two walk out as UWA Tag Team Champions. That’s Murphy’s Law.”
Krown nods in full agreement in that statement.
Krown: “Whether you like it or not, which we know you don’t, your run as champion was lackluster. You’re not underdogs. You are paper champions and we’re tired of it. We’re tired of seeing the UWA tag team division wasted, tired of seeing take a backseat to whatever pointless crap is going on that is taking attention away from the tag team division because Georgio Oliver does not give a damn about tag teams that are not K.I.S.S. who he has a raging hard on for. You’re time is up. We either get new champions, or just retire the belt so they can have some dignity. But we’re going to do everything we can to take them from you, or ensure you do not keep them. That’s Checkmate.”
Murphy: “We are Sang Réal.”
Krown: “And by God, with Him as our witness, come Hell or high water, by hook or by crook, we are going to do everything we can to make sure K.I.S.S. does not leave Monday Night Mayhem as the UWA Tag Team Champions.”
Murphy pulls the towel off the ropes and tosses down in their corner. He then moves to the ring and motions for two more sparing partners to get into the ring. Krown starts to stretch out while Murphy bounces on the ropes, waiting for their next sparing partners to get into the ring.
There is nothing one would expect to see when Sang Réal has that big match or is trying to be funny. This time, there is no comedy, there are no shenanigans. This time, they are in the place where they were raised. This time, they are in the ring.
This time, there are no suits and ties. There are no sunglasses. This time, Murphy is dressed in a white tank top and a black pair of shorts. This time, Krown is in a black t-shirt and a grey pair of sweat pants. This time, they are sparing, working off nearly three months of ringrust as their last match was in October.
As the scene opens, Murphy catches their sparing partner, a tall Caucasian male with curly blonde hair dressed in gym shorts, with the Wolf Fang Fight. He quickly tags in Krown, who hits the ring and shoots the ropes, catching the sparing partner’s tag team partner, a bald African American man wearing red shorts and a red t-shirt, with a dropkick that knocks him off the apron and then gets to his feet. He catches the other sparing partner with Ye King’s Anger, then tags in Murphy and nails the man outside with a baseball slide. Murphy hoists the sparing partner up with a gutwrench and Krown quickly catches him with a neckbreaker. Murphy rolls over for a cover, and then gets to his feet. The two sparing partners are quick to exit the ring.
Murphy moves to the corner Sang Réal has taken and picks up two water bottles. He tosses one to Krown, who manages to catch it and opens it, chugging it down. Murphy grabs a towel, taking a swig from the water bottle, then wiping his forehead and face. He drops the towel over the top rope.
Murphy: “This is the point in time when we’d break out the leather chairs and the book shelves and the fake library set.”
Krown almost chokes on his water, looking shocked.
Krown: “That was fake?”
Murphy ignores the comment. Krown shrugs and takes another swig of water.
Murphy: “And we would do another Roll Call and go on about our opponents and the upcoming title match, but we are not doing that this time.”
Krown “We’re not, mostly because we have over three months of ringrust to work off.”
Murphy: “It is not the time for cheap jokes or sets or shenanigans. This time it is about business, and that business is showing for once that the UWA Tag Team division should actually be given some degree of prominence, because finally, after weeks of using them as paperweights or decoration, the UWA has finally decided have K.I.S.S. defend their titles.”
Krown nods.
Krown: “Truly a historic main event for Monday Night Mayhem. This is only the third Tag Team Championship match in history, as well as the second on a Monday Night Mayhem, but we are pretty sure that this is the first time since winning the championships nearly 112 days ago that Ashley and Bethany have teamed together. This is truly a historic night to be had thanks to someone in UWA management remembering that the UWA has a tag team division.”
Murphy: “Yes, finally, the UWA has remembered the tag team division and that the titles should be defended.”
Krown: “If you aren’t going to actually do anything with the titles, why would you make having Tag Team Championships a thing that you’d do? It makes no sense.”
Murphy: “Exactly. Even with bi-weekly shows, one would imagine a tag team match could be featured, or perhaps even a tag team wrestler who is not a Kenyon sister or a Sin City Knight, which we will admit is a crazy thought, but we do stand by our statement that K.I.S.S. has wrestled as many matches as Bene Elohim, the Cornbread Mafia and ourselves, Sang Réal combined, and there seems something wrong with that.”
Krown: “Sometimes, I feel like a leprechaun or a UFO sighting, in that a Sang Réal match in the UWA is a rare sight and no one believes it happens. We are like the Tasmanian tiger, rare to see but we may exist, just no one can confirm it because we are so rarely seen, much like a UWA Tag Team Championship match.”
Murphy: “We have not had a match since October, the Cornbread Mafia has not had one since roughly the same time, and Bene Elohim finally managed to get a match after weeks of hanging around backstage for no reason other than to try and be evil and scary. Meanwhile, the Kenyon sisters are on every show.”
Krown: “My working theory is that Georgio Oliver does not care about non-Kenyon and non-pimp based tag teams. Or that he forgets we’re here. Clearly the company forgot we had Tag Team Championships. Again, why would you make having a tag team division or Tag Team Championships things you would do if you don’t want to make doing anything with them things you would do?”
Krown shrugs and scratches his head, looking confused.
Murphy: “So this week, the greatest underdog team in the UWA, K.I.S.S., the team no one anyone thought would make it, even though the UWA put them on every single show they could find a spot for them on, overcoming such adversity being completely overexposure and wrestling high profile matches to rise to the top of the UWA, draped in gold, now has to suffer through wrestling yet another high profile match and defend the UWA Tag Team Championships.”
Krown: “The sheer fact that they have overcome and endured the hardships of getting to do their craft every single show, only missing two shows since the day the UWA started, and wrestling many high-profile matches. They are truly an inspiring tale or perseverance and struggling through adversity in the face of overwhelming exposure.”
Suddenly standing straight, Krown mockingly salutes K.I.S.S. and their “underdog” career, as Sang Réal has put it.
Murphy: “I honestly think the only reason K.I.S.S. versus the Sin City Knights happened so quickly is because it was K.I.S.S. and Georgio couldn’t wait to get titles on them in a pointless attempt to make them matter, and then as soon as they won them, they moved on to other things.”
Krown: “We have a bet that by 2016, Ashley and Bethany will hold all the titles in the UWA at the exact same time because Georgio loves them that much. I got $20 that says Bethany is randomly named the number one contender after Tragic Engagement, or Georgio fudges the tournament results to get her the shot, because she deserves it and I do not actually think anyone bothered to name the person who won the tournament and the right to challenge the champion at Tragic Engagement, which is kind of coming up.”
Murphy: “Ashley and Bethany Kenyon have wrestled twenty-two matches, the exact total of all three opposing teams they face next week. Now while we may not get along with Bene Elohim or the Cornbread Mafia, especially the Cornbread Mafia, I think we can all agree that K.I.S.S. is just a bit overexposed. We can also agree that, even if one of us wins and there are new Tag Team Champions, this will probably be the last match any of us wrestle for a few months while Ashley and Bethany will have a match every Mayhem.”
Krown: “We think it may have to do with the fact that every time the camera is on them, it’s like a reality show full of angsty, emotional drama bullshit. I know I cannot turn away from watching the latest relationship issue Ashley and Bethany have, or seeing what emotional trial they are going through this week. I eagerly tune in for every episode of Keeping up with the Kenyons.”
Murphy: “And I love how they defend it. I love how they completely ignore their overexposure. We actually have two wins girls, one tag team match, and one in a six person tag team match. But why would you actually know that when you’re so busy dealing with your reality show lives to pay attention to the division you are champions in? The number of matches we have won or lost does not really compare to the fact that you two get to walk around with titles and be on every show.”
Krown: “So when we capture those titles, and become UWA Tag Team Champions, the UWA will probably not give us a match until at least June, but at least we’ll be able to hang around backstage with championships like they mean something and continue the proud tradition of being paper champions, except we do not want to be paper champions.”
Murphy: “We believe the UWA tag team division has potential. We believe it should be prominanetly featured. That is why we proposed all those ideas we had, like a battle royal to crown number one contenders or defending the title on a pay-per-view or doing some sort of tournament or anything to make them seem desirable.”
Krown: “So basically, the complete opposite of how the titles are treated now.”
There is something different about Sang Réal, while that arrogance, that attitude they have that they are better than everyone else is still there in how they move, in their bdoy language, but there is an anger and a frustration in their voices, defiantly more audible in Murphy’s than in Krown’s, but it is there. There is also a focus and determination. They want this. These are not words of wrestlers trying to intimidate their opponents, these are the words of a team determined to make them a reality.
Murphy: “And see, that is the thing that no one seems to understand or get in the UWA in that every set of Tag Team Champions have been paper champions. We had the Silver Baron and Quentin Sharpe as the first champions, and no one is going to convince me that a singles wrestler and a man who wrestled one match in his entire career deserved a title shot when we go out there and bust our asses every time the UWA deems us worthy to be on television.”
Krown: “The sheer fact that we put everything on the line in a steel cage match, despite losing, and got nothing out of it, except for a Rivalry of the Year nomination that will be lost to Arsenal, Aerynn Donnelly versus the Children of Nephilim which was shoved down our throats like a scared kid’s fist through his monitor after being freaked out by a website, is an insult to our families and everything we have given to this business.”
Murphy: “And we thought it would get better when K.I.S.S won the titles.”
Krown chuckles and shakes his head, placing his hands on his hips.
Krown: “We were wrong.”
Krown mouths a silent “wow”, trying to look shocked at how wrong they were.
Murphy: “I will not argue with the success Ashley and Bethany Kenyon have had, only because the UWA insists on putting them on every single show, so the only options would be for them to be overhyped and successful or overhyped and unsuccessful. But, we expect them to win the titles and thus make the titles legitimate or make them desirable or make them mean something. We expected them to start the renaissance of tag team wrestling in the UWA. What we were given instead were paper champions doing nothing with the titles except using then to feng shui their homes.”
Krown: “And really, we are impressed how well K.I.S.S. was able to tie the room together with the titles.”
Krown throws up a fake thumbs up.
Murphy: “And like we said, Ashley and Bethany can make excuses about how it is up to UWA management to make title matches or make matches, but like my old man said “excuses are like assholes; everyone’s got one”.”
Krown: “Mine told me “when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me”, which we feel like given we thought K.I.S.S. winning the title would help the UWA tag team division.”
Murphy crushes the plastic bottle in his hand, shooting water from it. He throws it down and across the ring in anger.
Murphy: “The UWA tag team division is a joke. It is a complete waste of time because only two teams seem to get an exposure, the most overexposed team in the UWA, K.I.S.S., and the Sin City Knights, who are barely even a team anymore, thus really hard to count. The rest of us get to be a part of the UWA when we are deemed worthy, when someone remembers we are here. If you took every match wrestled by the Rising Sun Dynasty, Bene Elohim, Dark Camelot or Avalon or whatever they are called, the Cornbread Mafia and Sang Réal, it would not even equal half of what the Sin City Knights and K.I.S.S. have wrestled. K.I.S.S. alone has wrestled twenty-two matches, the combined total of every match the Cornbread Mafia, Bene Elohim and we have wrestled in our entire UWA run.”
Krown: “It’s like we don’t even work here.”
Murphy: “You know what’s amazing? Even if we win, or the Cornbread Mafia wins, or Bene Elohim wins and we have new UWA Tag Team Champions, none of us have any legitimacy to make those titles mean anything more than just being on more paper champions. And even if we win, rather than being allowed to parade about our win or celebrate it or find a set of challengers, none of us are going to see the inside of the ring until June at the earliest while we’ll see Ashley and Bethany get another twenty matches before we step foot in the ring again.”
Krown: “Although we are hoping for some sort of big meeting with all the wrestlers on stage as that may be the only time we get into the ring before summer.”
Murphy: “The sad thing is, we or Bene Elohim or the Cornbread Mafia could win those titles, quit the next day, well we or the Mafia could, I doubt Miako will let Bene Elohim quit or do anything without her permission, but we could quit, and it would make no difference because we’re barely on Mayhem to wrestle enough to even really matter. It would make no impact, no difference in the tag team division at all.”
Krown: “It’s amazing how many times I see in dirt sheets that we or the Cornbread Mafia have been released or people ask if we still work for UWA. We
still have jobs. Seriously."
Murphy: “The way it is now, we see three scenarios for how this match ends.”
Krown: “And only one of them is good.”
Murphy: “Scenario one; K.I.S.S. retains the titles and continues to be overexposed, and hopefully, God willing, someone in the UWA remembers the UWA Tag Team Championships are a thing before 2016, and K.I.S.S. drops the titles to the next team that challenges them after they spend 200 or more days as champions because they never bother to defend the titles unless someone remembers they exist.”
Krown: “We have our money on either Amy Zing and Craven or Jeszika Gautier and Broderick Montgomery III, the only other non-K.I.S.S. teams besides Bene Elohim to win a tag team match in the last six months and thus, there are your top contenders, because Georgio Oliver does not care about tag team wrestling. But at least we get to see the titles on Keeping up with the Kenyons.”
Murphy: “Scenario two; one of us wins, and maybe, maybe if we are very lucky, we can actually do something to make the UWA Tag Team Championships mean something.”
Krown: “We consider this one a pipe dream.”
Murphy: “The third and final scenario is that the UWA just gets rid of the titles and we’re pretty much just a bunch of assholes in tag teams wasting our time chasing non-existent titles and maybe wrestle three times a year.”
Krown: “This is exactly where we are now, except that the UWA does have Tag Team Championships. Honestly, I forgot those titles existed.”
Murphy: “Let’s really be honest here, the most intense feud the UWA tag team division saw was over a year ago, when we and the Cornbread Mafia went at it. Since then, there’s been nothing done in the division. And that amazes me. Even when we were in Ragnarok and feuding with the Sin City Knights, there could have been a tag team match in there rather than everyone dealing with Silver Baron’s crazy. We laid out the Cornbread Mafia and they were apparently cool with it rather than revive a great rivalry that helped put the UWA tag team division into the spotlight, only to be wasted by a pointless title match and lackluster champions that could have been better. During the eternity Arsenal and Aerynn Donnelly were feuding with the Children of Nephilim, K.I.S.S. versus Bene Elohim could have happened. Even now, Bene Elohim and the Sin City Knights could have had something, but they both seemed to move on with their lives with the Knights getting matches week after week and Bene Elohim slinking back into the shadows to listen to Miako being cryptic.”
Krown: “And we reiterate that the initial championship match was a joke. Only one legitimate team, no build-up, no hype, and thrown onto the pay-per-view as a last minute filler match. The steel cgae match should have been the moment to make the titles.”
Murphy: “What really insulted us was that we were so disappointed in it, and we really thought the other teams would have looked as Silver Baron and his partner, Quentin Sharpe, a man who literally debuted in a match two weeks before the title match, and joined us in our sense of disgust. We didn’t have an issue with the Cornbread Mafia in the match. We would say they earned it. We would have accepted Silver Baron and Fraser Freeman was they had racked up a few matches as a tag team. But they gave the shot to Silver Baron, a man who had been wrestling singles matches week after week and a guy fresh off the street to be his partner.”
Krown: “We felt it was not only a slap in the face to tag team wrestling and all our work in a great feud, but that slap was followed by a kick to the balls and then management peed on us.”
Murphy: “And what amazed us more was that no other tag team felt the same way. Everyone acted like we were just whining and complaining. No one looked at it from our perspective and thought that maybe, just maybe, something we said mad a bit of sense. And they condemned us for making a mockery of the match on commentary, but no one considered the fact that we saw that match as a mockery of all the hard work every team in the UWA had put in, to see the first UWA Tag Team Championship match be contested in a match involving a team that had never teamed before and seemed like it was a last minute addition to the show was insulting.”
Krown: “Of course we were going to treat the match as a joke. It was a joke. We considered it a joke. We even came out and said it was a joke of a match.”
Murphy: “Look at the champions Silver Baron and Quentin Sharpe turned out to be. They, especially Silver Baron, acted as if their two tag team victories elevated them to the heights of such teams as Frenzy or Venom or Hell’s Henchmen or some other legendary tag team.”
Krown: “But the Sin City Knights were the greatest UWA Tag Team Champions in history because Silver Baron sure as hell acted like it. If anyone should walk around here with giant egos, it is going to be us.”
Murphy: “And then you have Ashley and Bethany Kenyon, completely overexposed, and have done nothing with the title since winning them.”
Krown: “But they look lovely in their homes, really tie the room together. And two titles really bring out the color in Ashley’s eyes. Don’t believe me? Watch every episode of Mayhem, I am sure a Kenyon will be on the show.”
Murphy: “And I know we sound bitter and resentful, we are willing to admit that because we are. We are bitter and resentful how the tag teams are treated by UWA management. Look at how many tag teams have walked in and quit. I often wonder why we stick around. Why would any tag team in wrestling want to wrestle for the UWA when it is clear the company does not give a damn about its tag teams?”
Krown: “We’re pretty sure they wouldn’t want to.”
Murphy: “You’re damn right they wouldn’t want to and it has to change!”
Krown nods in agreement with his tag team partner’s statement.
Krown: “Right now it’s just a bunch of people pretending to be tag teams with belts about as meaningful and prestigious as toy titles you see in stores.”
Murphy: “Now, in a rare moment of humility, we are going to admit that maybe, just maybe we are not the team that will change it, but we certainly cannot do worse than the Sin City Knights or K.I.S.S. The tag team division has to mean something again and we have to make it mean something again.”
Krown: “Again, we’re shocked teams like Bene Elohim and the Cornbread Mafia are not upset that they have wrestled about eight matches each. Then again, Bene Elohim gets to be on every show listening to Miako being cryptic and the Cornbread Mafia is usually too drunk to care.”
Murphy: “We care. Regardless of whatever people may say about us, we came to the UWA to be a tag team, to be champions. We, nor any team, can really do that if they only wrestle less than ten matches a year or if the company they work for does not care about the titles. We care. We deserve to win.”
Krown: “We care, because no one else will.”
Murphy: “Bene Elohim does not care, because Bene Elohim is part of the most overexposed and overrated group in the UWA. They could go their entire careers without winning the UWA Tag Team Championships or doing anything at all and everyone is still going to try and convince us that the Children of Nephilim are the army of darkness sent by Satan to lay siege upon the world.”
Krown: “Nice to know the legion of Hell make the bad guys out of 80’s cartoons seem dangerous. Way to go guys.”
Again, Krown throws up a thumbs up.
Murphy: “Bene Elohim have no balls, no integrity and no common sense. All I have seen out of them is them in the background asking Miako what they should do and any answer she gives them seems to calm them. We all saw them betray Arsenal and Jeszika Gautier after the match as opposed to during the match when it may have helped the Children win a match. And afterwards, they became background extras to McBride and Miako, and that is exactly where they are today.”
Krown: “Personally, I loved how Ashley was all eager to battle Bene Elohim now, as opposed to about a year ago, when apparently, during the epic rivalry between Arsenal and Aerynn Donnelly and the Children of Nephilim, no one thought to make Bene Elohim versus K.I.S.S. a match, nor did K.I.S.S. go after them with such vigor.”
Murphy: “I guess the one good thing about Bene Elohim winning the Tag Team Championships is at least the titles will stay on every episode of Mayhem as we listen to the Children be cryptic and be defended once every six months or so.”
Krown: “And thus ensure the status quo.”
Murphy: “And what can we say about the Cornbread Mafia?”
Krown: “No seriously, what can we say about them? We’re pretty much out of material. I mean we’ve made the drunk jokes. We’ve made the jokes about them being the products of inbreeding. We’ve made the jokes about their lack of a formal education and the fact that we have no idea what they are saying. We’re pretty much out of material.”
Murphy: “Shawn and Cameron Worley, one more time, we step into the ring. One more time, we put it all on the lien against you. A year ago, we beat you and it kicked off the only intense feud the UWA tag team division has seen. Now, we’re going to do it again.”
Krown moves to the corner and sets his water bottle down.
Krown: “Anyone can start; but only a thoroughbred will finish.”
Murphy: “This time, we finish it before it even starts. This time, we beat you and when we do, we walk out of the UWA Tag Team Champions, and you just walk out. We are going to show the world that we are more than fancy suits and insults. Wrestling is in our blood, just like moonshine and cousin sex is in yours.”
Krown smiles a big smile.
Krown: “Oh, see, we had one more drunk and incest joke left.”
Murphy: “Last year, we had one of the best matches of the year, a match that should have been nominated for match of the year, inside a steel cage. You two won, we admit that. You won and you should have ridden that momentum all the way to a UWA Tag Team Championship reign and we would have been right there, first in line to challenge you for those titles and had we would have torn each other apart, but at least those titles would mean something.”
Krown: “Consider what we did to each other with no titles. Now imagine what we would have done to each other with titles. But, you lost to pimps. Why you would make that a thing that you would do, I will never know, but you did.”
Murphy: “You had your chance and you blew it. And even if you win, the status quo stays the same, because the Cornbread Mafia, despite how the crowd reacts to you, and we admit it, you are popular, but those people are morons, you’ll wrestle maybe ten times throughout 2015 if you are lucky.”
Krown: “Who knows? Maybe 2016 will be the year the UWA tag teams get to wrestle a whole eleven times while Ashley and Bethany Kenyon get to wrestle fifty-two times in one whole year, which would be an accomplishment considering Mayhem is on every two weeks.”
Murphy: “And that brings us back to Ashley and Bethany Kenyon, and all I can say is that we are disappointed in you because for all your hype, all your accomplishments, all your popularity and influence and everything, you turned out to be paper champions.”
Krown: “I never thought I would be able to stand here and call K.I.S.S. paper champions, but I am standing here and I am calling K.I.S.S. paper champions.”
Murphy: “And you can make excuses, you can defend why we are here, over one hundred days after you won the titles and it is your first title defense when your opportunity at the titles was less than a month after Sin City Knights won the titles, but all your words, everything you say is just going to be empty words of another set of paper champions.”
Krown: “Really, there is no logical reason why the words “K.I.S.S” and “paper champions” should be in the same sentence, but there it is, but they have been too busy with their reality show lifestyles shenangians.”
Murphy: “And you can make excuses for the lackluster title reign, like Ashley did for Amy Zing, who went out and repeatedly stated she wanted to defend the title, but the UWA couldn’t be bothered to find her an opponent before Lacey Roberts walked up to her and stated she wanted the title, while surrounded by family celebrating the holidays or showing off your rescue dog named after a crappy 80s TV show, but that’s all they are, just excuses. At Monday Night Mayhem, while we may not like you or Bene Elohim or the Cornbread Mafia, but the cultists and rednecks and we all agree that you have had your shot to be UWA Tag Team Champions and you completely wasted it doing other things like chasing another title and randomly teaming with your friend or her ex-husband.”
Krown: “Clearly those matches were more important than actually being tag team champions.”
Murphy: “K.I.S.S., the very idea that you two could ever be called underdogs is a lie. You two have been given every single opportunity to succeed, just like Bene Elohim. The difference is that you actually succeeded. The Cornbread Mafia and ourselves were not even given a chance to fail, and we did not fail. We succeeded. We shined before the UWA decided to just make sure our candle went out. If anyone is the underdog, it is us, not you two you overexposed, over promoted, overused paper champions. At Monday Night Mayhem, your time as champions is up. It may not be us. It may be the overhyped, overrated Bene Elohim or the wasted Cornbred Mafia, but with God as my witness, we will be damned if we let you two walk out as UWA Tag Team Champions. That’s Murphy’s Law.”
Krown nods in full agreement in that statement.
Krown: “Whether you like it or not, which we know you don’t, your run as champion was lackluster. You’re not underdogs. You are paper champions and we’re tired of it. We’re tired of seeing the UWA tag team division wasted, tired of seeing take a backseat to whatever pointless crap is going on that is taking attention away from the tag team division because Georgio Oliver does not give a damn about tag teams that are not K.I.S.S. who he has a raging hard on for. You’re time is up. We either get new champions, or just retire the belt so they can have some dignity. But we’re going to do everything we can to take them from you, or ensure you do not keep them. That’s Checkmate.”
Murphy: “We are Sang Réal.”
Krown: “And by God, with Him as our witness, come Hell or high water, by hook or by crook, we are going to do everything we can to make sure K.I.S.S. does not leave Monday Night Mayhem as the UWA Tag Team Champions.”
Murphy pulls the towel off the ropes and tosses down in their corner. He then moves to the ring and motions for two more sparing partners to get into the ring. Krown starts to stretch out while Murphy bounces on the ropes, waiting for their next sparing partners to get into the ring.