Post by Sang Réal on Jan 16, 2015 16:53:44 GMT -6
Connor Murphy and Gabriel Krown, Sang Réal, walk through the backstage area after accepting to take part in the fourway Tag Team Championship match between themselves, Bene Elohim, the Cornbread Mafia and the current reigning and defending champions K.I.S.S. The show has yet to even fully start and already Sang Réal is leaving the arena.
As always, when not in competition, the two are impeccably dressed in suits and ties. Krown’s suit is dark grey with a black tie, while Murphy’s is black with a black tie. Murphy is, of course, wearing those gold framed round sunglasses. Neither man has their travel bags or gym bags or any wrestling gear with them at all.
As they walk through the backstage, Trent Paige, trying to get an exclusive for the UWA website by a quick word from one of the three challengers for the UWA Tag Team Championships, quickly approaches the two second generation wrestlers. Seemingly reluctantly, Sang Real stops walking.
Paige: “Sang Réal, tonight K.I.S.S. made the huge announcement that they will defend their championships against yourselves, the Cornbread Mafia and Bene Elohim…”
Murphy rubs his forehead as he interrupts Trent Paige.
Murphy: “Go away Trent.”
For a moment, Paige looks a little confused.
Paige: “What?”
The heir to the Krown wrestling dynasty starts to shoo Paige away.
Krown: “Go away.”
Murphy: “Leave the camera guy though.”
Paige: “But…”
Krown: “AWAY WITH YE!”
Paige looks a little confused and offended as he starts to walk off. Krown motions for Paige to come back. The backstage interviewer walks back into the shot, only for Krown to take his mic and then shoo him off again. Paige walks off. Krown looks at the mic for a moment and tosses it behind him where it lands with a thud, at which point, Krown cowers a bit, looking to see where it came from and then stands back up straight.
Murphy: “So, on the next Monday Night Mayhem, K.I.S.S. defends the UWA Tag Team Championships against Sang Réal, Bene Elohim and the Cornbread Mafia. Now, truth be told, we were shocked to actually see the UWA Tag Team Championships featured in any way at all on an episode of Monday Night Mayhem.”
Krown: “Georgio Oliver does not give a damn about tag team wrestling, or any tag team in the UWA that is not K.I.S.S.”
Murphy: “Now we pretty much already assumed Georgio Oliver had absolutely no interest in doing anything with the tag team division here when the first championship match was pretty thrown together at the last minute and stuck on a pay-per-view with absolutely no hype or build up between a team that seemingly deserved it and a team pulled out of his ass. But, we thought maybe, when we saw a number one contender match and then later saw K.I.S.S. versus Sin City Knights, we would see the tag team division take off like it had when we battled the Cornbread Mafia.”
Krown: “We were apparently wrong. I mean Dewey defeats Truman wrong. I mean Warner Bros. favoring making Osmosis Jones into a movie rather than The Incredibles wrong. We were Wily E. Coyote thinking a catapult would work to catch the Road Runner wrong. We were just so very, very wrong.”
Murphy: “Much like the Television Championship, the UWA Tag Team Championships were pretty much huge wastes of time.”
Krown shakes his head as if in disappointment.
Krown: “Almost makes you wonder why the UWA even has tag teams actually since we rarely get to wrestle.”
Murphy: “The thrown together at the last minute team of Silver Baron and Quentin “only wrestled one match before getting a title shot” Sharpe, who had no business in a Tag Team Championship match, defeated the Cornbread Mafia for the UWA Tag Team Championships on August 24th, 2014 and lost them nearly a month to K.I.S.S. on October 6th. Since then, there has been no title defense, and very few tag team matches.”
Krown: “Way to make the titles desirable and show off how competitive the tag team division is by having no hype for the first title match that was just thrown on a pay-per-view and then never really have more just two tag teams constantly competing.”
At this, Krown gives to thumbs up and a big fake over the top smile. He stops smiling and lowers his hands.
Murphy: “No number one contendership matches, no title defense, no anything really revolving around the tag team division, or even a match with the champions in tag team action. I think we saw Sin City Knights wrestle twice as champions and K.I.S.S. I am fairly sure has not teamed since winning the titles.”
Krown: “Really nice to see that all the work and effort the Cornbread Mafia and we put into making the tag team division mean something has been totally wasted by lackluster champions.”
Again, at that statement of opinion, Krown gives to thumbs up and a big fake over the top smile. And once again, he stops smiling and lowers his hands, shaking his head as if he was disappointed.
Murphy: “As of next Monday Night, when they will defend the championship against, us, the Cornbread Mafia, and Bene Elohim, K.I.S.S. will have held the UWA Tag Team Championships for roughly 112 days, and will have done nothing with those titles until today, and now everyone is acting like this is some grand and magnanimous gesture on their part.”
Krown: “We are not buying it, mostly because it was decided K.I.S.S. was to defend the titles. Near as we figure, someone saw the Kenyons walking around with the titles and remembered they existed and should probably be defended to create the illusion the UWA Tag Team Championships mean something. That’s the theory at least. The other involves ancient aliens. Again, I’ve had a lot of free time considering we’ve only wrestled eight matches since coming to the UWA.”
Murphy: “Nearly every Monday Night Mayhem is dominated by one-on-one matches. And even if there is a tag team match on the show, it is not one of the actual tag teams in UWA, just two singles wrestlers thrown together in a team. The only tag team that gets any real exposure are the Sin City Knights, because they are legion, when they have their whole membership, and K.I.S.S. because one of them is on every single week, which would be great, if they actually did anything with the championships.”
Krown: “People actually keep asking if we still work at the UWA. They really do. And even when we say that we do, they do not believe us.”
Murphy: “Our last match was at Fearless, back in October. And since then, we’ve had no matches and can’t even get out to do commentary.”
Krown: “I am so grateful that we are not paid by appearance, or else we would have sold all our stuff just to be able to save up to be poor.”
Murphy: “Now I know we may be sounding a bit whiney, or that we are complaining, but we have actually run the numbers on this.”
Krown: “It wasn’t too difficult actually. We just had to look at all those shows and do a quick search on the website.”
Murphy: “Now we did not count teams like the Rising Sun Dynasty, who wrestled one match and left after losing.”
Krown: “I maintain my belief that they committed seppuku after the loss, but no one has been able to confirm or deny that.”
From behind his sunglasses, Murphy glances at Krown for a moment, then turns his eyes away and looks forward at the camera.
Murphy: “Or teams like Dead Men, who I think showed up once to beat the Children of Nephilim, and I think vanished after realizing it was easy to do and that a war would be really one sided, or Dark Camelot or Avalon, who I think are once again gone. That leaves UWA with a total of five tag teams; the Sin City Knights, Sang Réal, the Cornbread Mafia, Bene Elohim, and the current UWA Tag Team Champions K.I.S.S.”
Krown: “But we did not count the Sin City Knights as they were not involved in the match, and also searching for them literally broke the search engine on the UWA site. The same thing happened when we tried to search for K.I.S.S. or the Kenyons, so that tells you how many matches they have when they break the search function. Searching for porn on Yahoo or cat videos on You Tube does not bring those searches down, but Sin City Knights and K.I.S.S. broke the UWA’s website’s search function. That’s impressive.”
Krown puts his hands together and lifts them up, making an explosion gesture to symbolize that searching for K.I.S.S. and Sin City Knights blows up the website.
Murphy: “Sang Réal, myself and Gabriel here, have wrestled a grand total of eight matches in the past year, and of those, six were somehow tag team related.”
At that, and as if to symbolize how many matches they have had, Krown holds up both hands, four fingers each.
Krown: “We have a lot of time off. I do not recall the last time we ever brought our gear with us to an arena because we really just seem to be in the UWA to keep us off the streets and off drugs like the other teenagers or something.”
He shrugs.
Murphy: “Everyone’s favorite overhyped members of the legions of Hell, the terrifying and evil monster losers known as Bene Elohim have wrestled a staggeringly impressive seven times, and we are pretty sure only two of those six times were victories.”
At this statement, Krown holds up four fingers on his right hand and three on his left.
Krown: “There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because the Children of Nephilim are going to walk. They way they talk about the Children of Nephilim, you’d think the Armageddon was just the warm up act.”
Murphy: “The Cornbread Mafia, who have not been seen since a match in early September, have also wrestled a grand total of seven matches, six of which were tag team matches.”
Krown keeps holding up four fingers on his right hand and three on his left to symbolize the number of times the Cornbread Mafia have wrestled and then lowers them.
Krown: “And a vast majority of those matches were against us, and we are rather insulted that the steel cage match between ourselves and the Cornbread Mafia was not nominated for match of the year, but that’s neither here nor there.”
Murphy: “And finally, our current UWA Tag Team Champions, K.I.S.S., Ashley and Bethany Kenyon, have wrestled an absolutely staggering and mind boggling twenty-two matches.”
Krown looks at his hands as if realizing he cannot hold up twenty-two fingers. He shrugs and just drops his hands.
Krown: “One more time, that number is twenty-two, as in twenty-two matches between being a tag team and singles matches.”
Murphy: “Of those twenty-two matches, thirteen were tag team matches and the remaining, including Ashley’s upcoming championship defense against Amy Zing, were singles matches. They have wrestled the combined total of every single tag team they are about to face next week.”
Krown: “It’s no wonder why K.I.S.S. or the Sin City Knights are a shoe-in for Tag Team of the Year as they are the only tag teams that seem to be allowed on television. If the Cornbread Mafia or we win it, that’ll be your upset of the year.”
Murphy: “And again, I will admit that it may sound like we are whining or complaining or it is all sour grapes, but I would like to point out that the math does not lie. As of right now, K.I.S.S., either as a tag team or in one-on-one matches, has wrestled twenty-two matches, the combined total of all the matches that Sang Réal, the Cornbread Mafia, and Bene Elohim have had, tag team and one-on-ones. We wrestle maybe once every two or three months, but there is at least one Kenyon sister on every single Monday Night Mayhem or pay-per-view.”
Krown: “A total of twenty-two matches, over twice as many matches as every other non-pimp tag team in the UWA. When we say they wrestle every single episode of Mayhem, we're not making it up. I think they missed one Mayhem and a pay-per-view.”
Murphy: “And yet, somehow, despite wrestling nearly every single show, being the one of the only tag teams UWA management cares about, they really have no desire to do anything with the Tag Team Championships.”
Krown: “Nearly 120 days as champion, and no defenses. Hardly seems fair considering that Vince Jones seemed to defend his North American Championship every single pay-per-view and held it for awhile.”
Murphy: “They can blame Georgio or UWA management or whoever makes matches or that we do television shows nearly every two weeks and a pay-per-view every two months, but those are excuses. Since the creation of the UWA Tag Team Championships, there have been quite a few episodes of Monday Night Mayhem. Considering K.I.S.S. is on every one of them, they could have issued an open challenge or gone to Georgio and asked for competition or anything, but they didn’t.”
Krown: “Really, it makes you wonder why doing Tag Team Championships would be a thing that the UWA managment would make a thing that they would do considering it seems they have no interest in tag team wrestling or establishing a legitimate tag team division.”
Murphy: “Now sure, we could have walked out and made a challenge for the UWA Tag Team Championships, but UWA management decided Ashley needed to be rewarded for something by chasing the UWA North American Championship, and we could not get the time on television to make the challenge.”
Krown: “Mayhems were just too full of Mikado trying to keep Children of Nephilim relevant and all the other shenanigans that went on because again, Georgio Oliver does not care about tag team wrestling or his tag team division.”
Murphy: “With champions like K.I.S.S. you would think we would see tag teams put into more prominence or that we would see more competition in the tag team division. You would think we would have seen all the singles wrestlers the UWA has randomly thrown together by the UWA into a tag team to wrestle someone like up or the Sin City Knights or K.I.S.S. or one of the other teams the UWA only brings out when it remembers it has a tag team division.”
Krown: “Like this coming week at Monday Night Mayhem, which will put K.I.S.S. at twenty-three matches, us at nine matches, the Cornbread Mafia and Bene Elohim at seven, they remembered they had more teams than just K.I.S.S. and the Sin City Knights.”
Murphy: “People complain we do announcing, except for K.I.S.S. who acts like it is a great honor to be invited to call a match. What the Kenyons do not realize is that we are never invited to call a match. We literally walk down there and just highjack the show because it is the only way we seem to get on television.”
Krown holds out both his hands with his palms up.
Krown: “Again, eight matches compared to their twenty-two.”
He moves his hands up and down, as if he is weighing something in his hands. He shrugs and drops his hands.
Murphy: “The thing that K.I.S.S. does not seem to understand is that we did not come here to do commentary. We did not come to the UWA to call other people’s matches. We came here to be a tag team, to be wrestlers, to be champions, to be the best team in the UWA and make our marks on the legacies of the Murphy and Krown wrestling dynasties. And we cannot do those things if we only wrestle eight matches a year compared to their twenty-two matches.”
Krown: “Honestly, I am shocked the UWA still has tag teams. I have no idea why we even stick around here. You’d have thought the tag teams here would just have taken off considering that Georgio Oliver does not care about the tag team division.”
The son of Irish wrestling legend, Shameus Murphy and younger brother of former world champion Mark Murphy pulls his sunglasses off and points them to the camera, then to himself and Krown.
Murphy: “Well we care about the tag team division. We actually want to make those titles matter. We deserved the chance at those titles far more than Silver Baron and Quentin Sharpe ever did. We deserve to wear them as much as K.I.S.S. does, because while they have proven to be a fine team, and considering how often Ashley and Bethany get to wrestle compared to the other teams, they’d have to have proven themselves, but we deserve those titles because we haven’t asked for our damn releases so we could go to a company where the management actually gives a damn about the tag team division and wants to see it become something great, because honestly, us and every tag team that is not the Sin City Knights or K.I.S.S. or Children of Nephilim is pretty much just wasting our time here in the UWA!”
Krown: “Really, every tag team in the UWA could walk out and I don’t think Georgio Oliver would care, or anything would change. We are pretty much just wasting time.”
Again, Murphy starts to jab his sunglasses at the camera.
Murphy: “Bene Elohim does not deserve to be the UWA Tag Team Champions. Now they may be the number one contenders considering the fact that they are the last tag team that wasn’t K.I.S.S. or the Sin City Knights to have a match and actually win. The Children of Nephilim are broken. Their leader, Joshua McBride, a mastermind everyone feared, walked out on them and now they are two guys getting bossed around by some so-called dark priestess who I think has maybe wrestled three times and lost all three times. Everyone acts like they are this great and terrible legion of darkness from the darkest depths of Hell unleashed by Satan himself, but I have to tell you, we’re not afraid of the Children of Nephilim and we are not afraid of Bene Elohim.”
Krown: “I think I was more terrified of the Army of Darkness from the Bruce Campbell movie Army of Darkness than I am of Bene Elohim. Really, they just lost their touch when McBride left.”
Murphy: “The Cornbread Mafia may deserve the titles, but they have had their shot and they, an established team, a team that took us to our limit in what should have been a Match of the Year nominee in what is a Feud of the Year nominee, had their shot against a team that was honestly just thrown together and they failed. Now, they have a second chance. Well you know what boys? We are looking at this as our shot at redemption. No one in the UWA knows you better and vice versa. A little over a year ago, we had a rivalry that you managed to squeeze out a victory in. This time, we are not only going to beat you, but we are going to become UWA Tag Team Champions in the process.”
Krown: “What was it we said a year ago? I believe it was something like “anyone can start; but only a thoroughbred can finish”. Well hicks, this time, we will finish it and we will finish as UWA Tag Team Champions.”
Murphy stops using his sunglasses as a pointer.
Murphy: “And that brings us to the current Tag Team Champions, K.I.S.S. with their twenty-two matches, practically guaranteed to be on every Mayhem and pay-per-view and over 100 wasted days as the UWA Tag Team Champions.”
Krown: “Again K.I.S.S., we really expected a lot better. You were supposed to usher in a new era of tag team wrestling, not use the titles as decorations for your house or as something to tie a room together.”
Chuckling a little, Murphy shakes his head.
Murphy: “I love how Ashley called herself an underdog before her match with Amy Zing. That’s a complete load of crap.”
Krown: “It is sort of like saying the state of Florida does not disprove Darwin’s theories of survival of the fittest when in reality, the state is full of old people and the retarded. Truth be told, if thinning the herd was a human idea, Florida would be devoid of human life. You have to love a state where a man beats employees with a lizard. But yeah, Florida proves Darwin was right and Ashley Kenyon is an underdog and midgets are not funny.”
Murphy: “Ashley, Bethany, you two are hardly underdogs. Everyone is more shocked when you lose then they are when you win. Everyone pretty much thought you would win the UWA Tag Team Championships against the Sin City Knights. And of course Ashley would win the North American Championship from Vince Jones because she had a second shot to get the job done. The definition of the underdog is someone who overcomes the challenge despite the odds being against them to do so. That is hardly how I would describe K.I.S.S. But if you two want to consider yourselves underdogs, that’s fine. We will put you down like dogs and take those UWA Tag Team Championships you have been using as paperweights for over a hundred days.”
Krown: “The only underdog I would compare K.I.S.S. to is Underdog, although I really hope they do not start talking in rhyme, because that would be weird.”
Murphy: “You have had your chance as the UWA Tag Team Champions and you have done nothing with it. Actually, I don’t think you two have even competed in a tag team match together since you won it. It is time for those titles to come to people who actually want to do something with them.”
Krown: “Like us, because we’re sort of hoping that if we win the titles, the UWA will remember we work here and we may get to wrestle a whole ten matches in 2015 and it’d be like we really work here as real wrestlers instead of as the guys who keep having to highjack the show and make a complete mockery of calling a match because we just do not care.”
Once again, Murphy uses those signature sunglasses of his to gesture to himself and Krown.
Murphy: “We have every intention of walking into Monday Night Mayhem and winning the UWA Tag Team Championships. And when we do, we are going to go to Georgio Oliver and we are going to ask for matches. We will ask to defend the titles rather than just hold them like figureheads as you and the Sin City Knights have done. We will ask him to book a battle royal for Tragic Engagement and anyone that wants to enter can enter, and the last two people standing in the ring go on to the following Monday Night Mayhem and get a shot at the UWA Tag Team Championship. The point is, we actually want to do more with the titles than wear them around our waists or to use them to really feng shui our homes.”
Krown: “Why would we make trying to make the Tag Team Championships mean something a thing that we would do? Because it seemed like a good idea at the time, that’s why.”
Murphy slides his gold round framed sunglasses back on, adjusting them so that they sit comfortably on his face.
Murphy: “You want to talk about underdogs Ashley? You want to talk about the odds being against you? You want to say people are counting you out? Let me ask you, is it lonely on that pedestal you sanctimonious bitch? At Monday Night Mayhem, you step into the ring with three underdog teams, and only one gets to walk out as the alphas. We are going to put you down like the bitches you are. That’s Murphy’s Law.”
Krown: “We ain’t here to call matches. We are here to wrestle and to be champions. At Monday Night Mayhem, we are going to become champions. That’s Checkmate.”
Murphy: “We are Sang Réal.”
Krown: “And our time to become the UWA Tag Team Champions is now.”
Murphy turns and walks off. Krown hangs for a moment, making the championship hand gesture around his waist and quickly walks off. Trent Paige walks back into the shot and picks up the mic, checking it out and making sure it still works, tapping it and blowing on it. He then turns to face the camera.
Paige: “Well, there you have it from Connor Murphy and Gabriel Krown, Sang Réal, one of three teams that will face the UWA Tag Team Champions K.I.S.S. for the Tag Team Championships on our next Monday Night Mayhem. I am Trent Paige for UWA.com.”
The scene fades to black.
As always, when not in competition, the two are impeccably dressed in suits and ties. Krown’s suit is dark grey with a black tie, while Murphy’s is black with a black tie. Murphy is, of course, wearing those gold framed round sunglasses. Neither man has their travel bags or gym bags or any wrestling gear with them at all.
As they walk through the backstage, Trent Paige, trying to get an exclusive for the UWA website by a quick word from one of the three challengers for the UWA Tag Team Championships, quickly approaches the two second generation wrestlers. Seemingly reluctantly, Sang Real stops walking.
Paige: “Sang Réal, tonight K.I.S.S. made the huge announcement that they will defend their championships against yourselves, the Cornbread Mafia and Bene Elohim…”
Murphy rubs his forehead as he interrupts Trent Paige.
Murphy: “Go away Trent.”
For a moment, Paige looks a little confused.
Paige: “What?”
The heir to the Krown wrestling dynasty starts to shoo Paige away.
Krown: “Go away.”
Murphy: “Leave the camera guy though.”
Paige: “But…”
Krown: “AWAY WITH YE!”
Paige looks a little confused and offended as he starts to walk off. Krown motions for Paige to come back. The backstage interviewer walks back into the shot, only for Krown to take his mic and then shoo him off again. Paige walks off. Krown looks at the mic for a moment and tosses it behind him where it lands with a thud, at which point, Krown cowers a bit, looking to see where it came from and then stands back up straight.
Murphy: “So, on the next Monday Night Mayhem, K.I.S.S. defends the UWA Tag Team Championships against Sang Réal, Bene Elohim and the Cornbread Mafia. Now, truth be told, we were shocked to actually see the UWA Tag Team Championships featured in any way at all on an episode of Monday Night Mayhem.”
Krown: “Georgio Oliver does not give a damn about tag team wrestling, or any tag team in the UWA that is not K.I.S.S.”
Murphy: “Now we pretty much already assumed Georgio Oliver had absolutely no interest in doing anything with the tag team division here when the first championship match was pretty thrown together at the last minute and stuck on a pay-per-view with absolutely no hype or build up between a team that seemingly deserved it and a team pulled out of his ass. But, we thought maybe, when we saw a number one contender match and then later saw K.I.S.S. versus Sin City Knights, we would see the tag team division take off like it had when we battled the Cornbread Mafia.”
Krown: “We were apparently wrong. I mean Dewey defeats Truman wrong. I mean Warner Bros. favoring making Osmosis Jones into a movie rather than The Incredibles wrong. We were Wily E. Coyote thinking a catapult would work to catch the Road Runner wrong. We were just so very, very wrong.”
Murphy: “Much like the Television Championship, the UWA Tag Team Championships were pretty much huge wastes of time.”
Krown shakes his head as if in disappointment.
Krown: “Almost makes you wonder why the UWA even has tag teams actually since we rarely get to wrestle.”
Murphy: “The thrown together at the last minute team of Silver Baron and Quentin “only wrestled one match before getting a title shot” Sharpe, who had no business in a Tag Team Championship match, defeated the Cornbread Mafia for the UWA Tag Team Championships on August 24th, 2014 and lost them nearly a month to K.I.S.S. on October 6th. Since then, there has been no title defense, and very few tag team matches.”
Krown: “Way to make the titles desirable and show off how competitive the tag team division is by having no hype for the first title match that was just thrown on a pay-per-view and then never really have more just two tag teams constantly competing.”
At this, Krown gives to thumbs up and a big fake over the top smile. He stops smiling and lowers his hands.
Murphy: “No number one contendership matches, no title defense, no anything really revolving around the tag team division, or even a match with the champions in tag team action. I think we saw Sin City Knights wrestle twice as champions and K.I.S.S. I am fairly sure has not teamed since winning the titles.”
Krown: “Really nice to see that all the work and effort the Cornbread Mafia and we put into making the tag team division mean something has been totally wasted by lackluster champions.”
Again, at that statement of opinion, Krown gives to thumbs up and a big fake over the top smile. And once again, he stops smiling and lowers his hands, shaking his head as if he was disappointed.
Murphy: “As of next Monday Night, when they will defend the championship against, us, the Cornbread Mafia, and Bene Elohim, K.I.S.S. will have held the UWA Tag Team Championships for roughly 112 days, and will have done nothing with those titles until today, and now everyone is acting like this is some grand and magnanimous gesture on their part.”
Krown: “We are not buying it, mostly because it was decided K.I.S.S. was to defend the titles. Near as we figure, someone saw the Kenyons walking around with the titles and remembered they existed and should probably be defended to create the illusion the UWA Tag Team Championships mean something. That’s the theory at least. The other involves ancient aliens. Again, I’ve had a lot of free time considering we’ve only wrestled eight matches since coming to the UWA.”
Murphy: “Nearly every Monday Night Mayhem is dominated by one-on-one matches. And even if there is a tag team match on the show, it is not one of the actual tag teams in UWA, just two singles wrestlers thrown together in a team. The only tag team that gets any real exposure are the Sin City Knights, because they are legion, when they have their whole membership, and K.I.S.S. because one of them is on every single week, which would be great, if they actually did anything with the championships.”
Krown: “People actually keep asking if we still work at the UWA. They really do. And even when we say that we do, they do not believe us.”
Murphy: “Our last match was at Fearless, back in October. And since then, we’ve had no matches and can’t even get out to do commentary.”
Krown: “I am so grateful that we are not paid by appearance, or else we would have sold all our stuff just to be able to save up to be poor.”
Murphy: “Now I know we may be sounding a bit whiney, or that we are complaining, but we have actually run the numbers on this.”
Krown: “It wasn’t too difficult actually. We just had to look at all those shows and do a quick search on the website.”
Murphy: “Now we did not count teams like the Rising Sun Dynasty, who wrestled one match and left after losing.”
Krown: “I maintain my belief that they committed seppuku after the loss, but no one has been able to confirm or deny that.”
From behind his sunglasses, Murphy glances at Krown for a moment, then turns his eyes away and looks forward at the camera.
Murphy: “Or teams like Dead Men, who I think showed up once to beat the Children of Nephilim, and I think vanished after realizing it was easy to do and that a war would be really one sided, or Dark Camelot or Avalon, who I think are once again gone. That leaves UWA with a total of five tag teams; the Sin City Knights, Sang Réal, the Cornbread Mafia, Bene Elohim, and the current UWA Tag Team Champions K.I.S.S.”
Krown: “But we did not count the Sin City Knights as they were not involved in the match, and also searching for them literally broke the search engine on the UWA site. The same thing happened when we tried to search for K.I.S.S. or the Kenyons, so that tells you how many matches they have when they break the search function. Searching for porn on Yahoo or cat videos on You Tube does not bring those searches down, but Sin City Knights and K.I.S.S. broke the UWA’s website’s search function. That’s impressive.”
Krown puts his hands together and lifts them up, making an explosion gesture to symbolize that searching for K.I.S.S. and Sin City Knights blows up the website.
Murphy: “Sang Réal, myself and Gabriel here, have wrestled a grand total of eight matches in the past year, and of those, six were somehow tag team related.”
At that, and as if to symbolize how many matches they have had, Krown holds up both hands, four fingers each.
Krown: “We have a lot of time off. I do not recall the last time we ever brought our gear with us to an arena because we really just seem to be in the UWA to keep us off the streets and off drugs like the other teenagers or something.”
He shrugs.
Murphy: “Everyone’s favorite overhyped members of the legions of Hell, the terrifying and evil monster losers known as Bene Elohim have wrestled a staggeringly impressive seven times, and we are pretty sure only two of those six times were victories.”
At this statement, Krown holds up four fingers on his right hand and three on his left.
Krown: “There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because the Children of Nephilim are going to walk. They way they talk about the Children of Nephilim, you’d think the Armageddon was just the warm up act.”
Murphy: “The Cornbread Mafia, who have not been seen since a match in early September, have also wrestled a grand total of seven matches, six of which were tag team matches.”
Krown keeps holding up four fingers on his right hand and three on his left to symbolize the number of times the Cornbread Mafia have wrestled and then lowers them.
Krown: “And a vast majority of those matches were against us, and we are rather insulted that the steel cage match between ourselves and the Cornbread Mafia was not nominated for match of the year, but that’s neither here nor there.”
Murphy: “And finally, our current UWA Tag Team Champions, K.I.S.S., Ashley and Bethany Kenyon, have wrestled an absolutely staggering and mind boggling twenty-two matches.”
Krown looks at his hands as if realizing he cannot hold up twenty-two fingers. He shrugs and just drops his hands.
Krown: “One more time, that number is twenty-two, as in twenty-two matches between being a tag team and singles matches.”
Murphy: “Of those twenty-two matches, thirteen were tag team matches and the remaining, including Ashley’s upcoming championship defense against Amy Zing, were singles matches. They have wrestled the combined total of every single tag team they are about to face next week.”
Krown: “It’s no wonder why K.I.S.S. or the Sin City Knights are a shoe-in for Tag Team of the Year as they are the only tag teams that seem to be allowed on television. If the Cornbread Mafia or we win it, that’ll be your upset of the year.”
Murphy: “And again, I will admit that it may sound like we are whining or complaining or it is all sour grapes, but I would like to point out that the math does not lie. As of right now, K.I.S.S., either as a tag team or in one-on-one matches, has wrestled twenty-two matches, the combined total of all the matches that Sang Réal, the Cornbread Mafia, and Bene Elohim have had, tag team and one-on-ones. We wrestle maybe once every two or three months, but there is at least one Kenyon sister on every single Monday Night Mayhem or pay-per-view.”
Krown: “A total of twenty-two matches, over twice as many matches as every other non-pimp tag team in the UWA. When we say they wrestle every single episode of Mayhem, we're not making it up. I think they missed one Mayhem and a pay-per-view.”
Murphy: “And yet, somehow, despite wrestling nearly every single show, being the one of the only tag teams UWA management cares about, they really have no desire to do anything with the Tag Team Championships.”
Krown: “Nearly 120 days as champion, and no defenses. Hardly seems fair considering that Vince Jones seemed to defend his North American Championship every single pay-per-view and held it for awhile.”
Murphy: “They can blame Georgio or UWA management or whoever makes matches or that we do television shows nearly every two weeks and a pay-per-view every two months, but those are excuses. Since the creation of the UWA Tag Team Championships, there have been quite a few episodes of Monday Night Mayhem. Considering K.I.S.S. is on every one of them, they could have issued an open challenge or gone to Georgio and asked for competition or anything, but they didn’t.”
Krown: “Really, it makes you wonder why doing Tag Team Championships would be a thing that the UWA managment would make a thing that they would do considering it seems they have no interest in tag team wrestling or establishing a legitimate tag team division.”
Murphy: “Now sure, we could have walked out and made a challenge for the UWA Tag Team Championships, but UWA management decided Ashley needed to be rewarded for something by chasing the UWA North American Championship, and we could not get the time on television to make the challenge.”
Krown: “Mayhems were just too full of Mikado trying to keep Children of Nephilim relevant and all the other shenanigans that went on because again, Georgio Oliver does not care about tag team wrestling or his tag team division.”
Murphy: “With champions like K.I.S.S. you would think we would see tag teams put into more prominence or that we would see more competition in the tag team division. You would think we would have seen all the singles wrestlers the UWA has randomly thrown together by the UWA into a tag team to wrestle someone like up or the Sin City Knights or K.I.S.S. or one of the other teams the UWA only brings out when it remembers it has a tag team division.”
Krown: “Like this coming week at Monday Night Mayhem, which will put K.I.S.S. at twenty-three matches, us at nine matches, the Cornbread Mafia and Bene Elohim at seven, they remembered they had more teams than just K.I.S.S. and the Sin City Knights.”
Murphy: “People complain we do announcing, except for K.I.S.S. who acts like it is a great honor to be invited to call a match. What the Kenyons do not realize is that we are never invited to call a match. We literally walk down there and just highjack the show because it is the only way we seem to get on television.”
Krown holds out both his hands with his palms up.
Krown: “Again, eight matches compared to their twenty-two.”
He moves his hands up and down, as if he is weighing something in his hands. He shrugs and drops his hands.
Murphy: “The thing that K.I.S.S. does not seem to understand is that we did not come here to do commentary. We did not come to the UWA to call other people’s matches. We came here to be a tag team, to be wrestlers, to be champions, to be the best team in the UWA and make our marks on the legacies of the Murphy and Krown wrestling dynasties. And we cannot do those things if we only wrestle eight matches a year compared to their twenty-two matches.”
Krown: “Honestly, I am shocked the UWA still has tag teams. I have no idea why we even stick around here. You’d have thought the tag teams here would just have taken off considering that Georgio Oliver does not care about the tag team division.”
The son of Irish wrestling legend, Shameus Murphy and younger brother of former world champion Mark Murphy pulls his sunglasses off and points them to the camera, then to himself and Krown.
Murphy: “Well we care about the tag team division. We actually want to make those titles matter. We deserved the chance at those titles far more than Silver Baron and Quentin Sharpe ever did. We deserve to wear them as much as K.I.S.S. does, because while they have proven to be a fine team, and considering how often Ashley and Bethany get to wrestle compared to the other teams, they’d have to have proven themselves, but we deserve those titles because we haven’t asked for our damn releases so we could go to a company where the management actually gives a damn about the tag team division and wants to see it become something great, because honestly, us and every tag team that is not the Sin City Knights or K.I.S.S. or Children of Nephilim is pretty much just wasting our time here in the UWA!”
Krown: “Really, every tag team in the UWA could walk out and I don’t think Georgio Oliver would care, or anything would change. We are pretty much just wasting time.”
Again, Murphy starts to jab his sunglasses at the camera.
Murphy: “Bene Elohim does not deserve to be the UWA Tag Team Champions. Now they may be the number one contenders considering the fact that they are the last tag team that wasn’t K.I.S.S. or the Sin City Knights to have a match and actually win. The Children of Nephilim are broken. Their leader, Joshua McBride, a mastermind everyone feared, walked out on them and now they are two guys getting bossed around by some so-called dark priestess who I think has maybe wrestled three times and lost all three times. Everyone acts like they are this great and terrible legion of darkness from the darkest depths of Hell unleashed by Satan himself, but I have to tell you, we’re not afraid of the Children of Nephilim and we are not afraid of Bene Elohim.”
Krown: “I think I was more terrified of the Army of Darkness from the Bruce Campbell movie Army of Darkness than I am of Bene Elohim. Really, they just lost their touch when McBride left.”
Murphy: “The Cornbread Mafia may deserve the titles, but they have had their shot and they, an established team, a team that took us to our limit in what should have been a Match of the Year nominee in what is a Feud of the Year nominee, had their shot against a team that was honestly just thrown together and they failed. Now, they have a second chance. Well you know what boys? We are looking at this as our shot at redemption. No one in the UWA knows you better and vice versa. A little over a year ago, we had a rivalry that you managed to squeeze out a victory in. This time, we are not only going to beat you, but we are going to become UWA Tag Team Champions in the process.”
Krown: “What was it we said a year ago? I believe it was something like “anyone can start; but only a thoroughbred can finish”. Well hicks, this time, we will finish it and we will finish as UWA Tag Team Champions.”
Murphy stops using his sunglasses as a pointer.
Murphy: “And that brings us to the current Tag Team Champions, K.I.S.S. with their twenty-two matches, practically guaranteed to be on every Mayhem and pay-per-view and over 100 wasted days as the UWA Tag Team Champions.”
Krown: “Again K.I.S.S., we really expected a lot better. You were supposed to usher in a new era of tag team wrestling, not use the titles as decorations for your house or as something to tie a room together.”
Chuckling a little, Murphy shakes his head.
Murphy: “I love how Ashley called herself an underdog before her match with Amy Zing. That’s a complete load of crap.”
Krown: “It is sort of like saying the state of Florida does not disprove Darwin’s theories of survival of the fittest when in reality, the state is full of old people and the retarded. Truth be told, if thinning the herd was a human idea, Florida would be devoid of human life. You have to love a state where a man beats employees with a lizard. But yeah, Florida proves Darwin was right and Ashley Kenyon is an underdog and midgets are not funny.”
Murphy: “Ashley, Bethany, you two are hardly underdogs. Everyone is more shocked when you lose then they are when you win. Everyone pretty much thought you would win the UWA Tag Team Championships against the Sin City Knights. And of course Ashley would win the North American Championship from Vince Jones because she had a second shot to get the job done. The definition of the underdog is someone who overcomes the challenge despite the odds being against them to do so. That is hardly how I would describe K.I.S.S. But if you two want to consider yourselves underdogs, that’s fine. We will put you down like dogs and take those UWA Tag Team Championships you have been using as paperweights for over a hundred days.”
Krown: “The only underdog I would compare K.I.S.S. to is Underdog, although I really hope they do not start talking in rhyme, because that would be weird.”
Murphy: “You have had your chance as the UWA Tag Team Champions and you have done nothing with it. Actually, I don’t think you two have even competed in a tag team match together since you won it. It is time for those titles to come to people who actually want to do something with them.”
Krown: “Like us, because we’re sort of hoping that if we win the titles, the UWA will remember we work here and we may get to wrestle a whole ten matches in 2015 and it’d be like we really work here as real wrestlers instead of as the guys who keep having to highjack the show and make a complete mockery of calling a match because we just do not care.”
Once again, Murphy uses those signature sunglasses of his to gesture to himself and Krown.
Murphy: “We have every intention of walking into Monday Night Mayhem and winning the UWA Tag Team Championships. And when we do, we are going to go to Georgio Oliver and we are going to ask for matches. We will ask to defend the titles rather than just hold them like figureheads as you and the Sin City Knights have done. We will ask him to book a battle royal for Tragic Engagement and anyone that wants to enter can enter, and the last two people standing in the ring go on to the following Monday Night Mayhem and get a shot at the UWA Tag Team Championship. The point is, we actually want to do more with the titles than wear them around our waists or to use them to really feng shui our homes.”
Krown: “Why would we make trying to make the Tag Team Championships mean something a thing that we would do? Because it seemed like a good idea at the time, that’s why.”
Murphy slides his gold round framed sunglasses back on, adjusting them so that they sit comfortably on his face.
Murphy: “You want to talk about underdogs Ashley? You want to talk about the odds being against you? You want to say people are counting you out? Let me ask you, is it lonely on that pedestal you sanctimonious bitch? At Monday Night Mayhem, you step into the ring with three underdog teams, and only one gets to walk out as the alphas. We are going to put you down like the bitches you are. That’s Murphy’s Law.”
Krown: “We ain’t here to call matches. We are here to wrestle and to be champions. At Monday Night Mayhem, we are going to become champions. That’s Checkmate.”
Murphy: “We are Sang Réal.”
Krown: “And our time to become the UWA Tag Team Champions is now.”
Murphy turns and walks off. Krown hangs for a moment, making the championship hand gesture around his waist and quickly walks off. Trent Paige walks back into the shot and picks up the mic, checking it out and making sure it still works, tapping it and blowing on it. He then turns to face the camera.
Paige: “Well, there you have it from Connor Murphy and Gabriel Krown, Sang Réal, one of three teams that will face the UWA Tag Team Champions K.I.S.S. for the Tag Team Championships on our next Monday Night Mayhem. I am Trent Paige for UWA.com.”
The scene fades to black.