Post by Cornbread Mafia on Apr 29, 2015 21:06:16 GMT -6
Cameron Worley sits on the front porch of the Worley Family Trailer drinking from a Dixie cup. He smiles as he sees the camera coming in and stands up, almost managing to take a header off the steps. His brother, Shawn Worley, walks through the front door and nods as Cameron stands up. Their North Carolina accents come flying through, unmistakable as they start talking.
Cameron Worley: Howdy... how's y'all doin, this here fine evening? Me? Well.. I’m just a little...
Off to the right, the bushes move and a crash can be heard. Both brother glance over and snicker.
Cameron Worley: Satisfied customer, ya reckon?
Shawn nods, clearly impressed by what they’re looking at.
Shawn Worley: Looks like he’s almost as flummoxed as if he just had to listen to Sang Real talk a spell.
Cameron starts to laugh, raising his glass.
Cameron Worley: That he does, Shawn, that he does.
Shawn just shakes his head as the two continue to chuckle with amusement.
Shawn Worley: Should we tell ‘em Bubba’s out back giggin’ frogs?
Cameron shakes his head even as he laughs even more.
Cameron Worley: And miss the fun, why would we do that when we’s tryin’ to show these fine folks somethin’?
They nod in agreement and then turn to face the camera again.
Cameron Worley: Let me ask y'all a question... y'all like drinkin’?
He pauses, a knowing grin on his face.
Cameron Worley: Hell, y'all like drinkin.. well who the hell don’t?
Shawn shrugs.
Shawn Worley: Don’t everybody?
Cameron nods taking another shot from his Dixie cup before firing it down.
Cameron Worley: You daaaaaam, right! And if y'all's like us...
Shawn gives him a look and Cameron shrugs, laughing.
Cameron Worley: Ok, if'n y'all be likin' to get just fucked up... have we got the shit for you!
Shawn nods and picks up the bottle of purple liquid with their Uncle Pappy Thompson’s picture on it..
Cameron Worley: Damn proud to announce the production of Pappy’s Pepsi: Worley Edition!
Shawn looks over at his brother in mock surprise.
Shawn Worley: But Cameron, ain’t we got your very own Hard Apple Cider already?
Cameron nods.
Cameron Worley: Why yes we do, available everywhere them Sang Real boys wouldn't be caught dead in because it’s the home of real folks that don’t need to pretend they’s richer than they are to be taken seriously!
Shawn nods.
Shawn Worley: But Cameron, what makes this different from the original Pappy’s Pepsi?
Cameron smirks.
Cameron Worley: Well, you see, Shawn, we done took Pappy’s original recipe for making folks be able to safely trip balls in the comfort of they’s own homes and made it even better!
Shawn places his hand on his heart while keeping a firm grip on the bottle.
Shawn Worley: My God, what does that mean for the consumer, Cameron?
Cameron smiles, leaning in towards the camera.
Cameron Worley: It means you be gettin’ fucked fast for less money and it lasts a helluva lot longer too!
Shawn's jaw drops as he looks to the sky, thanking god for such a killer raw purple gift of mayhem in a bottle! Cameron nods knowingly, smiling like the perfect down home used car salesman.
Cameron Worley: Now you don’t be wantin’ to just take our word for it cause all we did was make it…
Shawn nods.
Shawn Worley: We was tryin’ to figure out what to do about having to listen to Sang Real intentionally and was worried we might have to drill our ears so as to avoid all that bullshit they usually throw out about bein’ born better and bein’ Murphy’s Law and Checkmate like folks actually be afraid of them!
Cameron nods his agreement enthusiastically.
Cameron Worley: So you see, we put this here batch through the stills three separate times to make it even more powerful than normal.
Shawn’s eyes go wide.
Shawn Worley: My God, Cameron, the only thing that knocks you out faster is tryin’ to listen to Connor Murphy and Gabriel Krown tell us that they won them titles in UWA fair and square when everybody knows they done stole ‘em out from under us, Bene Elohim and K.I.S.S.!
Cameron Worley: And then we did a run of our own cola with that recipe from Pepsi that Pappy bought years back and switched out a couple of things so we don’t get sued out of our shorts!
Shawn looks aghast.
Shawn Worley: You mean this here ain’t actual Pepsi?
Cameron shakes his head.
Cameron Worley: No sir, cause if it was, we’d be in almost as much trouble certain testers would be if we called Bubba from the creek out yonder.
Shawn shrugs.
Shawn Worley: You imagine what would happen if Bubba actually bumped into Vince Jones again?
Cameron laughs hard.
Cameron Worley: He’d accidentally knock Vince on his ass and Vince wouldn’t do a damn thing about it, just like last time.
Shawn nods slowly as they glance over at the testers.
Shawn Worley: You noticed he don’t do shit when somebody drops a punk alarm on him too, did ya?
Cameron shrugs.
Cameron Worley: Kinda hard to miss when Bubba did it and he ain’t even gotten a stern talkin’ too and the Silver Baron…
Shawn nods as they glance over to the camera and nod to the right.
Cameron Worley: Y’all see for yourselves about him.
The camera swings over and the Silver Baron is looking around the yard wide-eyed and seemingly unable to speak. As he glances around the front porch, Daisy Thompson comes bounding up.
Daisy Thompson: Now?
The Baron turns and sees her standing there dressed in little more than a bikini and a smile. Baron falls back, scared and starts screaming at the top of his lungs.
The Silver Baron: EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!!
Daisy frowns as he starts running around in circles screaming like a banshee.
The Silver Baron: EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!!
Daisy looks up at her cousins.
Daisy Thompson: But said I could be in pictures!
Cameron and Shawn nod, shrugging apologetically.
Cameron Worley: Dais, bend over in front of him.
Daisy looks at her cousins inquisitively.
Daisy Thompson: Is this a game?
Shawn nods.
Shawn Worley: Yeah, he’s gonna wanna play hide the hamster!
Daisy nods and bends over happily.
Daisy Thompson: I like hamsters, when do they get here?
As the Baron runs around he sees Daisy bent over and falls to his knees.
The Silver Baron: El cielo de oro, los ángeles cantan y las putas dame lo que quiero!
Cameron nods.
Cameron Worley: That woke him up…
Shawn Worley: Hey, Dais, stand up.
Daisy as she’s asked and baron freaks all over again.
The Silver Baron: EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!!
Shawn almost laughs again.
Shawn Worley: Did he just call her?
Cameron nods.
Cameron Worley: He ain’t the only one who’s seen heaven between them thighs!
Shawn just shakes his head in amusement.
Shawn Worley: Dang, Cam, he’s so fucked up he’s only speakin’ Spanish!
Cameron turns to the camera and nods happily.
Cameron Worley: This is the kind of fine quality level of trippin’ balls you can expect from Pappy’s Pepsi: Worley Edition!
Shawn nods.
Shawn Worley: I think the Bear’s wakin’ up, Man.
The camera swings back over to find Tedman is nothing but a pair of tighty whities and the Tedman head literally holding his head up with his hands. Daisy walks over and nods to him and he moves his gaze up.
Daisy Thompson: Hi, Teddy.
Tedman waves, the ted head falling off.
Tedman: Golden globes of heaven!
Cameron nods.
Cameron Worley: Watch this, y’all!
He nods and Shawn grins.
Shawn Worley: Dais, give him a look!
Daisy shrugs.
Daisy Thompson: At what?
Shawn Worley: God bless her, take off your top.
Daisy nods and does so. Tedman’s eyes go wide as he slowly starts to reach out.
Tedman: I have seen the face of God and it is gooood…
Before he can make contact, his eyes roll into the back of his head and he passes out cold. Daisy cocks her head in confusion.
Daisy Thompson: Can I keep him?
Shawn chuckles.
Shawn Worley: Turn around and see what Baron thinks?
Daisy nods and turns around. Baron catches the sight of her topless and stops in his tracks.
The Silver Baron: DIOS MIO!!!!
He falls to his butt, clutches at his chest and passes out as well. Cameron nods and gets the camera’s attention.
Cameron Worley: When they wake up, they’re gonna feel like a million bucks and ain’t gonna remember shit! That’s Pappy’s Pepsi: Worley Edition!
Shawn nudges his brother.
Shawn Worley: They will if they see this here commercial.
Cameron shrugs.
Cameron Worley: And y’all remember, on Monday, we get to come back and fight them Sang Real boys again, course, it ain’t for the titles cause they’re pussies and all but hey, at least we get a chance to fight and knock them around at the same time!
Shawn’s eyes flash with delight.
Shawn Worley: All we’d be missin’ is a mess of greens and some Pappy’s Pepsi: Worley Edition and it’d be a great day!
Cameron nods his agreement.
Cameron Worley: Now don’t y’all miss out, order your Pappy’s Pepsi: Worley Edition and get so fucked up you’re literally seeing stars changing color in your own home today!
Cameron Worley: Howdy... how's y'all doin, this here fine evening? Me? Well.. I’m just a little...
Off to the right, the bushes move and a crash can be heard. Both brother glance over and snicker.
Cameron Worley: Satisfied customer, ya reckon?
Shawn nods, clearly impressed by what they’re looking at.
Shawn Worley: Looks like he’s almost as flummoxed as if he just had to listen to Sang Real talk a spell.
Cameron starts to laugh, raising his glass.
Cameron Worley: That he does, Shawn, that he does.
Shawn just shakes his head as the two continue to chuckle with amusement.
Shawn Worley: Should we tell ‘em Bubba’s out back giggin’ frogs?
Cameron shakes his head even as he laughs even more.
Cameron Worley: And miss the fun, why would we do that when we’s tryin’ to show these fine folks somethin’?
They nod in agreement and then turn to face the camera again.
Cameron Worley: Let me ask y'all a question... y'all like drinkin’?
He pauses, a knowing grin on his face.
Cameron Worley: Hell, y'all like drinkin.. well who the hell don’t?
Shawn shrugs.
Shawn Worley: Don’t everybody?
Cameron nods taking another shot from his Dixie cup before firing it down.
Cameron Worley: You daaaaaam, right! And if y'all's like us...
Shawn gives him a look and Cameron shrugs, laughing.
Cameron Worley: Ok, if'n y'all be likin' to get just fucked up... have we got the shit for you!
Shawn nods and picks up the bottle of purple liquid with their Uncle Pappy Thompson’s picture on it..
Cameron Worley: Damn proud to announce the production of Pappy’s Pepsi: Worley Edition!
Shawn looks over at his brother in mock surprise.
Shawn Worley: But Cameron, ain’t we got your very own Hard Apple Cider already?
Cameron nods.
Cameron Worley: Why yes we do, available everywhere them Sang Real boys wouldn't be caught dead in because it’s the home of real folks that don’t need to pretend they’s richer than they are to be taken seriously!
Shawn nods.
Shawn Worley: But Cameron, what makes this different from the original Pappy’s Pepsi?
Cameron smirks.
Cameron Worley: Well, you see, Shawn, we done took Pappy’s original recipe for making folks be able to safely trip balls in the comfort of they’s own homes and made it even better!
Shawn places his hand on his heart while keeping a firm grip on the bottle.
Shawn Worley: My God, what does that mean for the consumer, Cameron?
Cameron smiles, leaning in towards the camera.
Cameron Worley: It means you be gettin’ fucked fast for less money and it lasts a helluva lot longer too!
Shawn's jaw drops as he looks to the sky, thanking god for such a killer raw purple gift of mayhem in a bottle! Cameron nods knowingly, smiling like the perfect down home used car salesman.
Cameron Worley: Now you don’t be wantin’ to just take our word for it cause all we did was make it…
Shawn nods.
Shawn Worley: We was tryin’ to figure out what to do about having to listen to Sang Real intentionally and was worried we might have to drill our ears so as to avoid all that bullshit they usually throw out about bein’ born better and bein’ Murphy’s Law and Checkmate like folks actually be afraid of them!
Cameron nods his agreement enthusiastically.
Cameron Worley: So you see, we put this here batch through the stills three separate times to make it even more powerful than normal.
Shawn’s eyes go wide.
Shawn Worley: My God, Cameron, the only thing that knocks you out faster is tryin’ to listen to Connor Murphy and Gabriel Krown tell us that they won them titles in UWA fair and square when everybody knows they done stole ‘em out from under us, Bene Elohim and K.I.S.S.!
Cameron Worley: And then we did a run of our own cola with that recipe from Pepsi that Pappy bought years back and switched out a couple of things so we don’t get sued out of our shorts!
Shawn looks aghast.
Shawn Worley: You mean this here ain’t actual Pepsi?
Cameron shakes his head.
Cameron Worley: No sir, cause if it was, we’d be in almost as much trouble certain testers would be if we called Bubba from the creek out yonder.
Shawn shrugs.
Shawn Worley: You imagine what would happen if Bubba actually bumped into Vince Jones again?
Cameron laughs hard.
Cameron Worley: He’d accidentally knock Vince on his ass and Vince wouldn’t do a damn thing about it, just like last time.
Shawn nods slowly as they glance over at the testers.
Shawn Worley: You noticed he don’t do shit when somebody drops a punk alarm on him too, did ya?
Cameron shrugs.
Cameron Worley: Kinda hard to miss when Bubba did it and he ain’t even gotten a stern talkin’ too and the Silver Baron…
Shawn nods as they glance over to the camera and nod to the right.
Cameron Worley: Y’all see for yourselves about him.
The camera swings over and the Silver Baron is looking around the yard wide-eyed and seemingly unable to speak. As he glances around the front porch, Daisy Thompson comes bounding up.
Daisy Thompson: Now?
The Baron turns and sees her standing there dressed in little more than a bikini and a smile. Baron falls back, scared and starts screaming at the top of his lungs.
The Silver Baron: EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!!
Daisy frowns as he starts running around in circles screaming like a banshee.
The Silver Baron: EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!!
Daisy looks up at her cousins.
Daisy Thompson: But said I could be in pictures!
Cameron and Shawn nod, shrugging apologetically.
Cameron Worley: Dais, bend over in front of him.
Daisy looks at her cousins inquisitively.
Daisy Thompson: Is this a game?
Shawn nods.
Shawn Worley: Yeah, he’s gonna wanna play hide the hamster!
Daisy nods and bends over happily.
Daisy Thompson: I like hamsters, when do they get here?
As the Baron runs around he sees Daisy bent over and falls to his knees.
The Silver Baron: El cielo de oro, los ángeles cantan y las putas dame lo que quiero!
Cameron nods.
Cameron Worley: That woke him up…
Shawn Worley: Hey, Dais, stand up.
Daisy as she’s asked and baron freaks all over again.
The Silver Baron: EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!! EL PESCADO DEL DIABLO!!!!
Shawn almost laughs again.
Shawn Worley: Did he just call her?
Cameron nods.
Cameron Worley: He ain’t the only one who’s seen heaven between them thighs!
Shawn just shakes his head in amusement.
Shawn Worley: Dang, Cam, he’s so fucked up he’s only speakin’ Spanish!
Cameron turns to the camera and nods happily.
Cameron Worley: This is the kind of fine quality level of trippin’ balls you can expect from Pappy’s Pepsi: Worley Edition!
Shawn nods.
Shawn Worley: I think the Bear’s wakin’ up, Man.
The camera swings back over to find Tedman is nothing but a pair of tighty whities and the Tedman head literally holding his head up with his hands. Daisy walks over and nods to him and he moves his gaze up.
Daisy Thompson: Hi, Teddy.
Tedman waves, the ted head falling off.
Tedman: Golden globes of heaven!
Cameron nods.
Cameron Worley: Watch this, y’all!
He nods and Shawn grins.
Shawn Worley: Dais, give him a look!
Daisy shrugs.
Daisy Thompson: At what?
Shawn Worley: God bless her, take off your top.
Daisy nods and does so. Tedman’s eyes go wide as he slowly starts to reach out.
Tedman: I have seen the face of God and it is gooood…
Before he can make contact, his eyes roll into the back of his head and he passes out cold. Daisy cocks her head in confusion.
Daisy Thompson: Can I keep him?
Shawn chuckles.
Shawn Worley: Turn around and see what Baron thinks?
Daisy nods and turns around. Baron catches the sight of her topless and stops in his tracks.
The Silver Baron: DIOS MIO!!!!
He falls to his butt, clutches at his chest and passes out as well. Cameron nods and gets the camera’s attention.
Cameron Worley: When they wake up, they’re gonna feel like a million bucks and ain’t gonna remember shit! That’s Pappy’s Pepsi: Worley Edition!
Shawn nudges his brother.
Shawn Worley: They will if they see this here commercial.
Cameron shrugs.
Cameron Worley: And y’all remember, on Monday, we get to come back and fight them Sang Real boys again, course, it ain’t for the titles cause they’re pussies and all but hey, at least we get a chance to fight and knock them around at the same time!
Shawn’s eyes flash with delight.
Shawn Worley: All we’d be missin’ is a mess of greens and some Pappy’s Pepsi: Worley Edition and it’d be a great day!
Cameron nods his agreement.
Cameron Worley: Now don’t y’all miss out, order your Pappy’s Pepsi: Worley Edition and get so fucked up you’re literally seeing stars changing color in your own home today!
